When I was little, the only thing I EVER remember saying I wanted to do when I grew up was make a difference to someone. My future ideas of an occupation might have changed as quickly as the seasons blew by, but I KNEW, deep down, somehow, I needed to make a difference in someone's life. I had dreams of teaching, nursing, a corner office, a musical career, fame, fortune, big city living - you name it & I probably thought about it!
The one thing I didn't think about was being a mom. Oh, I knew I wanted kids, but that never defined my future. I most certainly never dreamed that I would be a stay at home mom let alone a homeschool mom. And if someone had told me I would be a pastor's wife, I would have laughed until I cried. Nope - that wasn't my dream for the future.
Well, let me just say that priorities change drastically the older you get & whoever thinks that God doesn't have a sense of humor, needs to think again.
So here I am. I no longer dream of fame, fortune, or big city living. I still have big dreams, but now they revolve around my husband, my kids, my farm, & God's will.
Does that mean that every day is sunshine & roses?
Sweetheart, you obviously don't know me if you think my life is that grand!
We struggle. We fuss. We fight. We worry. We cry. We battle periods of attitude, guilt, rage, selfishness, & depression. But we also laugh, smile, love, & praise.
Somedays I wonder if this is really what my life is meant to be. I mean really. How am I supposed to cook, clean, teach, play, do laundry, balance the checkbook, run an at home business, spend time with my husband, explore my own interests, not neglect my friends, & find time for God? HOW? There are not enough hours in the day!
Day in, day out brings the same story again. Wake husband up before the sun even considers rising, fall back asleep. Wake up to the baby crying, begging PLEASE go back to sleep, it's still dark. Throw clothes on because even if the baby did go back to sleep, I'm wide awake. Play on Internet a few quite minutes. Try to wake kids up, occasionally resulting to anger when they don't listen. Face the breakfast dilemma again. Battle through school with cries of "I don't know how to do this" "I don't want to do this" & "I need your help". Get a few chores done during baby's nap, only to have him make a bigger mess when he wakes up. Lunch. A little more school followed quickly by "Please go outside & leave me alone". Maybe get in a little exercise while the baby lays down again & then if I'm lucky a shower as well. Hubby's home but he has a ton of stuff to do as well. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Oh crap, I have no idea! Hmmmmm, maybe I can find something the kids will actually eat. Bathtime & finally bedtime. I feel like I'm stuck in a Suburbia version of Groundhog's Day.
Absolutely not!
Does this mean that I wish I could swap lives with someone else for a few days?
Sometimes!
Does this mean I fantasize about a deserted tropical island where children are not allowed?
Quite frequently!
Does this mean that I need to be more thankful for the season I'm in right now because time passes far too quickly?
Most certainly!
Do you ever wonder what in the world you were thinking when you signed on for this whole motherhood thing?
Sister, you are not alone. But remember, you are BLESSED!
Amongst all the dirty dishes, smelly laundry, sticky floors, buckets of Lego's, & chaos that is motherhood, you are doing the one job that NO ONE else can do! You were chosen specifically by God to mother your children & be a wife to your husband!
Keep on, keeping on!
1st Corinthians 10:31 "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."
Oh, & in case you were wondering...I did achieve my dream! I am making a difference in my kids lives everyday! I may not bring home a typical paycheck, but hugs, kisses, & crowns are worth far more than mere money!
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