Do You See What I See

We put up our Christmas tree yesterday. We always try to do it Thanksgiving weekend, but we just barely got that accomplished this time. The kids are getting older & schedules are getting busier. And its sad.

I am very picky about how the lights are placed, the more the better, so the kids don't even bother trying to help with that part. Well, Logan still does. Then its all theirs. It really doesn't matter to me how the ornaments are put up. Sure I'll move one here & there when a limb is weighted down, there's too much in one spot, or a big gaping hole that no one but me sees, but other than that, I'm good.

It's beautiful. It usually is. Not because we spent a lot of money on decorations or because a professional did it, but because its ours & it's decorated with love... at least I hope.

The pictures show smiles & a pretty tree. You see it. We all see it. At least the parts that we want you to see & the parts that can actually be photographed.

But do you see what I see?

I see my husband trying to cook supper at 8pm while I put the lights up because we haven't had any other time together as a family. I see them staying up past bedtime & hoping no one is grumpy in the morning. I see one child not feeling well. I see one child fussing at another for ringing the bells too loud. I see one child repeatedly throwing snowflakes at the tree. I see one child on their phone instead of enjoying this. 

I see the supper I'm trying to eat even though the tears make it hard to swallow. I see the past when we got along better. I see Christmas from my childhood & I see happiness. I see them all grown & no longer home to help decorate the tree. I see them looking back on their childhood with more heartache than fondness. I see disappointment, shame, regrets, & what ifs.

But then, as I'm putting Logan to bed, he smiles & tells me he had fun & I see love. Through more tears, I see love. And I see a weary momma trying desperately to hang on to the magic even though the world has made her jaded & her kids are growing up entirely too fast.

I'm glad you don't see what I see. Oh how I miss when times were simpler.