October 2, 2018

This day. I have been waiting for what feels like forever for THIS DAY.

This day probably doesn't mean anything to you, but it means so much to my family.

It means freedom. It means being able to breathe easier. It means returning to a somewhat normal life. It means its finally over.

It means 398 days since our world turned upside down & in that time I've grown to seriously dislike some numbers.

First & foremost August 29, 2017. I might just erase the day if I could.

Followed closely by October 2, 2017. I have faced many things in my life. I've been mad, upset, & scared over situations out of my control, but I've NEVER experienced fear the way I did on October 2, 2017. And there was NOTHING I could do about it.

Helpless. Hopeless. Betrayed. Scared. Angry. Confused.

• 365 - 365 days until this nightmare was officially over.

• 11 - an 11 month deadline

• 65 - 65 hours that seemed like a waste of time

• 5 - 5 months of mental evaluations

• 60 - every 60 days that someone questioned my parenting

• 30 - every 30 days of check ins

• 4 - 4 charges that all started with a moment of unclear thinking

• 3 - 3 days a week that my home was invaded

• 9 - 9 hours that felt like a prison sentence

• 1.5 - 1.5 hrs that seemed like a bigger waste of time

• 1 - 1 huge mistake

• 0 - 0 unexcused absences

• random - enough random testing to make you doubt your sanity

Unfortunately, the list goes on. I just can't put it into number form.


If you don't know me personally or if you didn't know us then, you probably have no clue what I'm talking about & that's ok. Just know that life is better now. I've learned real friends from fake. I've learned how to keep my circle small. I've learned that sometimes, all you have is the people in your home.

I've also developed a new appreciation for some numbers.

• 24 - 24 hours, Tomorrow is a new day & you get to start over again & again & again, & sometimes that's all you can do - start over & hope for better

• 5 - 5 means Grace, Grace form God, Grace for each other, & Grace from each other

• 5 - 5 also happens to be the number in my family, while its not perfect, its the one God gave me

and most importantly

• 2 - 2nd chances, and sometimes 3rds & 4ths & 5ths as well

But after a full year to reflect, I realize that I've learned to appreciate August 29, 2017 & October 2, 2017. Without them, my family wouldn't be who we are today. Without  them, my family could be a lot worse off than we are now. Without them, decisions to turn & walk away from bad situations might not have ever happened. Without them, maturity might have come at a higher cost. Without them, a darker, harsher future might have come about.

I believe that God allows things to happen in order to bring people to the place He wants them to be so He can use them.

My son has learned some hard lessons the hard way, but he's a better person from it.

My daughter has learned some hard lessons the hard way, but she's a better person.

My husband & I have learned some hard lessons the hard way, but I pray we are better because of it.

Just like the phoenix, out of the ashes. I've clung to that image for over a year now, knowing that it will be ok & that we will rise again.