Saturday, January 18, 2014

A New Focus

I've realized here lately that things just felt "off". You know the feeling. You can't pinpoint exactly what it is. You don't really know what is wrong. You're not really in a bad mood. But something, just doesn't feel right.

I have been there lately. There isn't a clear cut answer. At least, not on the surface. But once I started examining my life, I figured it out.

God has been convicting my heart lately. Somehow, somewhere, I have mixed up my priorities...again.

I have been concerning myself far too much with things that ultimately don't really matter in the long run. I have found myself mixed up with drama, strife, & worldly gain. I have neglected my spiritual growth, the desires of my heart, the encouraging of others, & the affections of those that mean the most to me.

Now, there wasn't anything wrong with the things I became focused on, but the problem lies in the fact that I was more focused on that instead of the things that I knew really mattered more.

As I find myself still evaluating the beginning of a brand new year, I realized that I want to pursue a journey towards a healthier me. Not just physically, but mentally, spiritually, & emotionally as well. I want to surround myself with uplifting words of encouragement. I want to pour motivation into me. I want to make better decisions for myself & my family. I want more moments where I let my hair down & laugh until I cry. I want to be "that girl" for my husband. I want to be the one my preteen son confides in, the one my daughter looks up to, & the one my toddler thinks hung the moon. I want to grow closer to God than I ever have before.

I also want to rid myself of excess drama. I don't want to associate with people who I have to struggle to remain positive around. I don't want to have to put on a show for anyone. I don't want to seek constant approval or fear repeated rejection. I don't want to go to bed at night thinking "What If" and I don't want to wake up in the morning thinking "Not Again".

But even more than that, I want to be that source of encouragement to someone who is down. I want to be the person that friend calls when they need advice. I want to be known for my faith, my loyalty, my honestly, & my love. I don't want to be the rain on someone's parade. I don't want to cause that awkward moment. I don't want to be the one making you doubt.

Now you may be reading over this list & only be ably to focus on the "I"s. But that's where I've messed up in the past. Everything has gotten out of focus. When I look back over the years, I do see a lot of "I"s, but as I gaze longingly into the future, the "I"s don't stand out nearly as much. Instead, the only way to accomplish any of this is to see a lot less me & a lot more God. He is the only one who can give me the desires of my heart & make me content with them. He is the only one able to take my mistakes from the past & turn them into a promising future. He is the only one able to make me into something more than me. He is the only one!

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