Tuesday, April 24, 2018

I’m Waiting on the Bigger & Better

Sometimes certain people have been in your life so long it’s hard to remember where they came from, how they got there, & even how you lived before they showed up. Sometimes people are in it for the long haul, no matter what, the highs & lows, through thick & thin. Sometimes people are just there for a short period when you seem to need each other most.

Sometimes people grow apart, develop new friends, or find new interests. Sometimes people move.

Then sometimes people walk out of your life at what feels like your rock bottom, when you feel you need them the most, when you feel all alone, when you feel no one is left in your corner. Those are the people that are hardest to forgive, that are hardest to get over, that are hardest to understand.

It’s not easy seeing those people at places where you used to be included. It’s not easy knowing that their life went on just as if you never existed. It’s not easy being on the outside looking in.

God has a reason for allowing those people in your life. Just as He has a reason for allowing those people to walk out of your life.

It certainly doesn’t make it any easier but at least maybe one day, the reason will become clear &
you can hold your head up a little higher knowing that even when those people tried to push you down, you came out on top.

Here’s to waiting, praying, BEGGING for the day that God sends someone even better to replace “those people”!

Monday, April 23, 2018

Ask and It Shall be Given

Far too often, I feel like a failure as a wife & mother. We all do, I think.

I feel like sometimes I neglect my marriage, neglect my husband. I know we are secure in our love & with each other so I fail to put in the effort that I should. I take my husband for granted (just like he takes me for granted). I get so caught up in the day to day insanity that I forget to nurture our relationship.

To be perfectly honest, we took an Anniversary trip several years back celebrating our 10 year, & I was miserable. I missed my kids. I didn’t know what to talk about. I was bored.

I’ve asked God to help me. Help me love my husband more. Help me adore him more. Help me want him more.

More recently (the past few years), I’ve started cherishing our alone time. Our mini vacations, our breakfast dates, riding along if he has to go somewhere. I enjoy being with just him.

As I was walking through the woods the other day with him to get a deer stand, I realized that God had answered my prayer.

He changed my heart & gave me a stronger desire for the one He picked out for me.

Then a strange thought struck me & I couldn’t help but giggle a little. I started looking forward to spending more time with my husband when my relationship with my teenager started getting stressful!

I immediately thanked God for renewing that love while apologizing for not praying for my kids enough.

Lord, help me through the rough days. Help me to cherish the good days. Help me to hold fast to your promises on all the days in between!

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

A Few Minutes Later

I have NEVER been so scared in all my life!

I was in the kitchen the other day cooking supper & thinking about a saint of God that just passed away. Austin was in his room, doing who knows what (cleaning supposedly), Makenzie was in her room, doing who knows what (homework supposedly), Logan was in my bathroom taking a bath.

I had just recently checked on all of them, talking to Austin about his day, making sure Makenzie was doing more homework than socializing, giving Logan his boat that he forgot to put within reach of the tub. I realized that all of a sudden it was quiet. Impossibly quiet!

As a mother, strange thoughts run through your head at strange moments. Dread filled my mind & I thought, “there’s no way...”.

I hurried to my bathroom, where it was still so quiet. I saw the boat exactly where I left it, untouched. I saw the water, perfectly still. I saw Logan’s little hand stretched out, not moving. Then I saw that he was laying completely covered in the water. The ONLY part not under water was his mouth & nose.

I said his name. I hoped he was washing his hair.

It took me a moment to react.

I jerked on his hand, & what felt like ever so slowly, he sat up. He looked at me confused as tears rushed down my cheeks. He had fallen asleep in the tub.

I couldn’t do much more than cry as I did my best not to scold him for falling asleep & explain that he could have died!

When he realized what had happened, Logan started crying as well. He just kept telling me he was so sorry.

Fear set in as I realized just how horrible this could have ended. If I had waited even a few minutes longer to check on him....

Lord I can’t bear the thought.

Monday, March 5, 2018

Does Anyone Else Smell Onions

I never knew that body order smelled like onions!

About a year ago, I started really thinking about the products I was using in my home. I started paying attention to labels, ingredients. I started looking to more natural minded websites, apps, & companies.

One of the first (& certainly most difficult) changes I made was from regular deodorant to a natural deodorant. I thought it would be quick & easy. Boy was I wrong!

I picked the absolute worst time! I switched over in the wicked dog days of summer, just a week or so before we went on a camping trip filled with record highs & torrential downpours. To say that I stunk was an understatement!

I could not, for the life of me, figure out WHY I kept smelling like onions! I finally said something to my husband who found it absolutely hilarious, asking me if I had never sweated before. Well, why yes, I have sweated plenty of times, but due to my aluminum filled, pore clogging antiperspirant, my body never had the opportunity to release its natural smells. So I had YEARS worth of pent up BO just waiting to be set free!

Again...I had no clue body odor smelled like onions!

After this incredibly frustrating period, several companies, scents galore, & lots of research, I finally found a deodorant that works great, smells wonderful, & doesn’t break the bank.

 Schmidts is the only deodorant that I tried that actually worked for me. I tried the sensitive first because others have broken me out in the past but I was having to reapply it too often. I tried the regular & was still needing to reapply it occasionally, but overall I was happy.

Then I received a sample of the pit paste in Lime & Bergamot. I was a little concerned because it came in a glass jar with a spatula. How in this world am I going to put deodorant on with a spatula?

Weirdness aside, I started using this & LOVED it! It worked better than the stick leaving me fresh & non sweaty most of the day. There have only been a few times that I’ve needed to reapply & when I do, I use the stick for convenience.

The only downside is the occasional irritation & the darkening of my underarms. The irritation I can deal with. The discoloration...I’ve found a recipe (all natural of course) to help clear that up. I’ll let you know how it works...

Friday, February 16, 2018

Where is common courtesy? Where is human decency?

Like so many others, my heart breaks for the families in Florida, and everywhere else that has dealt with school shootings.

When Columbine happened, the world stopped! We were in shock! We were horrified! We couldn’t believe that someone, anyone could be so heartless!

But eventually life went on, at least for the majority of the world. Some lives were changed forever, but after a few weeks, did we think about them at all? Maybe a passing sad thought, but that’s it.

Until it happened again. WHAT!? I can’t believe someone else did this. I can’t believe someone else took innocent lives without thinking twice.

And again, we were sad, but eventually went on. 

Until it happened again, and again, and again. Until finally, we are no longer horrified! It almost feels normal. Yes, it’s still horrible, but we just stand by & point fingers, try to find a motive, & scream from the rooftops it’s time for change.

I stumbled across THIS ARTICLE & it says so much about what we aren’t even talking about! It is time for change, but not from the government, not from the lawmakers, not from the President. It’s time WE changed! 

Just recently I overheard a group of young ladies discussing how someone threatened to kill hisself. You want to know their response... they laughed & said they would miss him. They weren’t even sure if it was worth telling someone, or contacting his parents. (For the record, I spoke up & said “YES, you need to tell someone!”)

I’ve also heard multiple stories from my daughter who is in MIDDLE SCHOOL mention that so & so is thinking about suicide! MIDDLE SCHOOL!

I understand that this issue isn’t suicide, BUT the problem here is a lack of concern! We have been so indoctrinated with violence, rape, bullying, drugs, SIN, that we laugh it off or look the other way. 

How many times have we said “that’s not my problem” or “that’s not my business”? 

I think it’s time we make it our business! It’s time we make it our concern! 

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

And THIS is Why Some Animals Eat Their Young

Some days I wonder how the world is still turning, how it is still functioning. How century after century, the population not only continues, but increases. How did any of us survive through adolescence without our parents strangling us? This teenage stuff is for the birds. Its rough, I tell you.

I swear my oldest son has single handedly provided me with enough drama & heartache to last a lifetime. And its scary when I realize we're only halfway through the teen years.

There's a song out right now that while I KNOW ITS NOT TRUE, I can't help but think of him everytime I hear it.
 I'm never gonna let you close to me
Even though you mean the most to me
'Cause every time I open up, it hurts

But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry
And every time you walk out, the less I love you
Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true

It's HARD getting your heart broken over & over again by those that you love the most!

My devotional this morning in The Joseph Calling was about David learning that Saul had been killed. My first thought was, what does this have to do with Joseph? But as I read on I understood.

David had every right to be happy that Saul, the very one who had made his life miserable, was gone. But he didn't. He was sorrowful. He mourned. Makes you wonder WHY David was sad his enemy had finally been defeated once & for all...


I wept! I couldn't have read on any farther if my life depended on it!

My teenage son may not be my enemy but some days it sure feels like it!

He needs my grace just as I need God's grace.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Hypocrite - Table for One

In an earth shattering moment, I realized I was acting just like my mother & I was going against the very advice I had just given someone else a few days before. (If you want to be with someone, be with them & don’t listen to the negative crowd)

Before I had kids, I didn’t know a lot about parenting, but I knew enough to know I didn’t want to repeat many of my mother’s actions. If you’ve been a reader for any amount of time, you know our relationship isn’t fabulous. It is much better than when I was a teenager however.

My precious preteen daughter has another little boy interested in her. Why do they insist on relationships now?! Ugh!

I wasn’t too excited. All I could think about was the drama of the past. You see, we’ve already been in a relationship with this family. My oldest son had an on again off again relationship with the oldest daughter all throughout middle school, until finally in high school, they discovered they were better off as friends. They are still best friends.

I tried my best to discourage this relationship (with my daughter), tried to explain that they were already really good friends so just leave it alone. Well, it happened anyway, at least for 4 days. Until we discussed it again & I was a little more opinionated. I couldn’t handle it. This is my baby here. My only daughter. She’s not enough supposed to be old enough to be interested in boys.

Then it hit me. I couldn’t get it out of my head, my heart, my memories. And the tears flowed freely from the pain of the past & from the uncertainty of the future.

I had pulled a classic Susie moment. I had made a decision based on my feelings alone.

I was instantly transported back to 12-13 years old when I was head over heels for this little boy from the wrong side of the tracks. Cute kid, good athlete, head over heels for me, but he was poor, he came from a bad home, & he wasn’t the smartest kid in class. My mom allowed us to be boyfriend & girlfriend for a little while, then put her foot down. I was DEVASTATED. It didn’t matter though, she didn’t care. And I didn’t stop seeing him. I snuck around, sat with him on the bus, held his hand at school, called him when she wasn’t home, even got to see him almost every day that summer because his best friend lived in my neighborhood (side note, I lost 25 pounds that summer because I was running through the woods with these roughneck boys).

Eventually the fondness dwindled & we stopped seeing each other, but the damage had been done. I felt my mom had crossed a line & I didn’t care if it was ever repaired. That certainly wasn’t the last time she forbid me from seeing a boy or from being friends with someone.


I want them to talk to me about anything & everything. I want them to know I’m here for them, even when I don’t agree with them.

So I had another heart to heart with her, explained my heart, my mistakes, & my dilemma. She decided on her own this time, that they are better off as friends.

Lord help me to be a much better parent in the future!

I’m Waiting on the Bigger & Better

Sometimes certain people have been in your life so long it’s hard to remember where they came from, how they got there, & even how you l...