Monday, November 21, 2016

Double Standards at their Finest

2 months into Freshman year high school & Austin is suspended.

Long story short, another guy had been bullying him, harassing him, making sexual remarks towards his girlfriend, etc. Guy made one comment too many & Austin decked him. One punch & done. Walked away to calm down.

The actual deputy on duty that found out about it wanted everything to blow over. He wanted the football coach to serve out all the punishment. He didn't want to get the SRO involved.

Yes, well...

SRO got involved, suspended Austin for 10 days OSS (I had to plead his case & reveal the WHOLE story just to get it reduced to 5 days), pressed charges, & got him kicked off the JV football team. This has also ultimately led to Austin being an A-B student to barely having a C in a few classes just because he's still trying to catch up.

2 months into what's supposed to be some of the best years & we feel like our world is caving in.

The best part of this story...the other guy didn't get jack! So much for a "bully free" zone. So much for a zero tolerance.

 Moral of the story kiddos, run your mouth all you want to, be a coward & blend in, because you won't get in trouble. But take a stand for yourself, take a stand for someone else, and there are bound to be repercussions.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

I Never Knew I could be this Tired

So it's been a while. OK it's been a REALLY LONG while.

I've missed writing. I've had other people tell me they have missed my writing.

Right now, I really don't care if anyone reads any of these or not (there will be several for awhile). These next few posts are strictly for my attempts at healing my own heart & soul. But hey, that's why I started writing in the first place. It had nothing to do with a certain number of views, how many comments, or pats on the back. I just needed to express myself or I would explode. I'm there again. No one to talk to but this stupid computer.

My heart just hasn't been in it. I have been empty. I can't explain it any other way. EMPTY. NOTHING. No encouragement, no soothing words, no nothing. It's hard to encourage others when you barely have the energy to make it through the day yourself.

I'm starting to think I am going crazy. But in reality its probably depression. No, I'm not going to the doctor. At least not yet.

I can't even begin to explain what I've felt over the last year. It's all jumbled up inside me anyway, I can barely understand it myself. I just know that life is hard & it seems to be getting harder.

2016 as a whole has been a pretty crappy year. With a few exceptions in the summer where we experienced out of this world revivals & saw hundreds of people (including my two oldest children) saved, the rest of the year has been not much more than a black cloud.

And I guess that's it. When you are so high up, it doesn't take much to crash & burn.

We've experienced more things go wrong, more things break, more things cost lots of money than we have in a long time. (think major appliances break & rebreak, think not just one, but all 3 of our vehicles needing extensive repair) In addition to that, we've experienced far too many weeks with very little income coming in. That's one of my downfalls. I worry too much about money. Not that I've ever had much, but we've always just "gotten by". I am so tried of getting by. Getting by sucks.

My husband is finally realizing his dream. He is just a few short months away from becoming a paramedic. I'm so proud of him.

But behind the scenes, no one sees just how hard it has been.

He works 4 (yes, 4!! - plumbing with his dad, fire extinguishers with his mom. athletic trainer for football & wrestling at the high school, & EMS) jobs. He also goes to school 2 nights a week & every other Saturday. And tries to preach when he can.
(Which by the way, several people look down on him because they don't think EMS allows him to put God first. To those people, whatever, worry about your own life & then you won't have time to worry about ours.)

I hate to complain because I KNOW he is exhausted, but so am I. This has left me solely taking care of our kids. Do you have any idea how busy my kids are??!! I've always said that I knew I could do it on my own, well I've proven it & I don't want to do it on my own anymore. I am bone shattering weary. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, & honestly, spiritually as well.

I'm just tired. There are no other words.

Matthew 11:28-30 " Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give 
you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: 
and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

I know my Bible is true, but sometimes its hard. I'm trying, really I am...

Saturday, August 1, 2015

What Does He Say

You've seen it.

I've seen it.

Almost everyone knows someone affected by an abusive relationship.

I've seen it with girls & their "protective" boyfriend. I've seen it with boys & their "jealous" girlfriend. I've even seen it with your "best" friend.

Every. Single. One of you (US) is at risk for a toxic relationship.

but for simplicity, we are going to stick with the protective boyfriend here 

It starts out like any other relationship, you catch each other's eye, start talking, & eventually start dating. The changes are so subtle that you don't even see them happening.

When he gets jealous over others guys, even ones you have been friends with forever, you think "he's just being protective". When he no longer wants you to hang out with your best friend, you think "well, we do tend to get into trouble together".

When he says he wants to spend every minute with you, you think "oh how sweet, he must really love me". When he asks you to wear or not to wear a certain outfit, you think "he just wants me to look my best".

When he changes to be more what you want or like, you think "wow, we have a lot in common". When he changes you to be more what he wants, you think "its ok, we all make sacrifices for love".

When he loses his temper, you think "it was only one time, he wouldn't ever hurt me". When he becomes violent, you think "it will never happen again". When he stays violent, you think "if I wouldn't make him so mad, he wouldn't act like this".

"But baby, I LOVE you! Why do you make me act so crazy?"

In case you haven't realized it yet, the devil doesn't show up with a pitchfork reeking of smoke, he's usually the best looking one around who can sweet talk like no other. I should know, I had my very own Devil in Disguise.

I've been there!!! Others have been there!! So when someone sees the warning signs, PLEASE pay attention!

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Seeing is Believing or Is It

Today's society has become so jaded that many refuse to believe something unless they see it for themselves. Others are so naive that they believe everything they see & hear. Then there are those that are a mixture of the two. Not taking everything at face value, but still having hope there is good in the world.

We certainly aren't the first generation to corner the market on trust issues.

All down through history, people have spread rumors before they knew the truth, people have jumped because King so & so told them to, people have lied, cheated, & stole to get what they want.

"People" have always been fickle.

John 20: 24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.
25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.

As I read this verse this morning, tears flooded my eyes. I am so thankful that I didn't have to see Jesus crucified to KNOW how much He loved me. I didn't have to see His death to KNOW He suffered for me. I didn't have to see His resurrection to KNOW He defeated death, Hell, & the grave.

I don't have to wait to see Heaven to KNOW that it's real! And most importantly, I don't have to wait to see Jesus stepping out on a cloud to KNOW that He is coming back for His children!

I may have many doubts throughout my life, but I'm thankful that I didn't have to SEE to KNOW that my father is the KING OF KINGS!!!

Thursday, July 9, 2015

How Ready are You

We all lose focus from time to time. We all get caught up in the hustle & bustle of our lives that we forget to worry about anything else around us.

In just the past few weeks, lives have been changed forever.....

Several people that I went to school with have passed away. These are people MY AGE. And folks, at 37, I'm no where near old enough to be concerned about dying yet.

A few different families have been irrevocably altered with tragedy, death, and bad news while on vacation.

A whole community has been turned upside down due to a years old grudge.

A family sits around waiting for a saint to breath his last.

And these are all people I know! We won't even talk about all the death, destruction, & what not going on in the world.

Again, I have been reminded of just how precious and fragile life is.

Death is inevitable.

No matter what your name is, how much money you have, who you know, where you live, or what your beliefs are, there is no escaping it. At some point everyone...EVERYONE must face death. And unlike life, where we often share experiences with others, we must face death all by ourselves. Sure you may be surrounded by those you love, but when it comes time, we all must cross over alone.

When we finally see our Lord face to face, we are the only ones accountable for our decisions. It won't matter who our friends were, where we worked, or why we made the choices we did. The most important thing once we die is if we were saved, if we accepted Jesus.

Knowing this & knowing just how short & uncertain life is, why not get this settled NOW before its too late!

Once you take that last breath, once you see His face, once you stand before the gates, its too late!