Thursday, July 23, 2020

Class of Covid-19

Early summer 2020, the actual date unknown.

The idea, flashing neon lights in the back of my mind, growing larger & brighter every single year.

The first few days of Kindergarten in the fall of 2007, you stood beside a sign that read Class of 2020 & it seemed as though we had a lifetime to go.

Hours of struggling over homework, days spent on a field or in a gym, tears shed over a girl or an argument with a friend, voices raised in disagreements, rules broken, nights spent worrying, dollar after dollar after dollar spent on needs and wants, memories made, traditions passed on, clothes outgrown, toys forgotten, hearts broken, mistakes made, medals earned, patches collected, friends made, friends lost, trucks driven and wrecked, futures decided, futures changed, lessons learned.

I blinked.

The closer we got to that finish line, the realer it got.

I blinked.

How did we get here so fast?

I blinked.

I had it all pictured in my mind. Your senior year. Celebrating wins and learning from losses. Smiling through the tears on senior night. Taking pictures on prom. Crying my eyes out as you walk across the stage. One last vacation before the reality of life makes you grow up.

Sometimes things don't happen the way we think they should.

I'm thankful for your school years. I'm thankful for the happy moments, the moments we thought couldn't possibly get worse, the moments that were captured on film, the moments that will be forever etched in our minds, the smiles, the tears, the joy, the pain, & everything in between.

I'm thankful for almost 7 months of a semi normal senior year.

Now, today, July 23, 2020, 4 months after life as we knew it changed, and 2 months after your original graduation date, I'm thankful for an ending for this journey we started 13 years ago.

I'm thankful that even though this is NOTHING like what I pictured or what anyone wanted, we have tried to make the best of it.

Class of 2020, you are destined to be world changers. You go down in history as the Covid-19 class. And while, yes, it sucks on so many levels, keep your heads up & know that every experience you go through makes you who are will become in the future.

Don't blink, your future is waiting!

I blinked. Through the tears, I blinked.


Wednesday, July 22, 2020

Red Brown Yellow Black and White

Unless you have been living under a rock or a deserted island, you know all about how unstable our world is. It's heartbreaking, infuriating, & terrifying. 

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red, brown, yellow
Black and white
They are precious in His sight.
Jesus loves the little children
Of the world.

Anybody else grow up singing that song?

I think it's true what they say, what we decided our Senior year in high school, when we went in through the out door. Almost everything we needed to know in life, to really help us get along with others, we learned in Kindergarten.

Anyway...that's a thought for another day! 

My 18 year old son got pulled over the other night. It was after 11pm, he wasn't speeding, or honestly "doing" anything wrong. The police officer pulled him over because he has wild lights on his Jeep. They sometimes have an orange glow, making them look red.

Upon stopping, my son immediately threw both of his hands out the window in full view of the officer because he did have a handgun with him. Thankfully, it was locked & the clip was in a separate location. He told the officer as soon as he approached his car & they discussed it. Thankfully, he was let off with a warning for his lights, was educated about the proper way to carry a gun in a vehicle since he didn't have his concealed carry permit, and was allowed to come home just shortly before midnight.

My son is white.

The officer was white.

We live in a small community in the south, in the Bible belt.

We have good relationships with many emergency personnel.

Happy ending to a possibly scary story that is on repeat in our nation.

After my son told me about it, he also told me about a friend of his that recently had the same thing happen to him.

He went to jail.

He is black.


We only know part of the story. We don't know why this young man was pulled over. We don't know what he said to the officer or what the officer said to him. We don't know ANYTHING about the situation, where the gun was, or if there were any other laws in question.

I'm NOT (can I emphasize that anymore) racist!!! I don't buy into the BLM movement because I fully believe they are an organization that is only concerned with drama, hate, & their personal agenda. No where in that did I say that black lives don't matter! I have black friends, Hispanic friends, mixed friends, white friends, etc that I adore! I have children of all ethnicities at school that I love with everything that I am & will do anything that I possibly can to help them.

But honestly, that's the first place my mind took me. He's black.

That's very uncharacteristic of me. That just proves how much sway the media has over our lives & our minds.

Please STOP giving the media that much power over you!

In the meantime people, keep your hearts open to everyone & keep singing!

Monday, May 25, 2020

Why's It Got to be Like That

Did anybody else's momma teach them that if they didn't have anything nice to say, not to say
anything at all?

Mine sure did. I didn't always listen, but she sure told me. I

And I know I have taught that to my kids. Again, they don't always listen, but I tried.

So, question, have people quit teaching this? Have we quit believing it? Or do we just not care anymore?

I'm all for freedom of speech. Everyone has that right. Say what you want, but there isn't freedom from consequences When your freedom to speak your mind willfully & purposely hurts someone else, that freedom has crossed the line.

We all have different opinions on just about every single topic under the sun. Can we not discuss those topics without trying to make others feel ashamed because they believe differently? We should be able to because that's part of being an adult.

Most people try to avoid "hot topics" while in unsure audiences. But then some throw several word bombs right in the middle & just wait for the explosion. While that's all fine & good as long as every party is being respectful, someone usually starts slinging some mud when they realize they are losing whatever battle they tried to fight.

You love the president, you hate the president. You think he has the greatest ideas ever, you think he's dumb as a rock. Or, you're like most normal people & fall somewhere in between supporting him, but not liking some of his actions.

You go to church, you don't go to church. You tell everyone about your religion, you tell everyone that religion is a joke. You love everyone, you only like people that think & believe like you do.

You only breast feed your children, you have tried every formula invented.

You think public school is dangerous & satanic, you think that homeschoolers are weird & unsocialized.

You believe a woman's body is her own, you believe abortion is murder.

There are so many things that people have always argued about.

We get it, ok, everyone has an opinion & everyone is entitled to it!

Add now to that ever growing list, how you live during a global pandemic.

Seriously, we've heard everything from the Coronavirus is going to kill everyone, to it's just like the flu, to it's a made up conspiracy because it's an election year. We need to shut the country down & shelter in place, we need to open everything back up because the economy is crashing.

We need to stay 6 feet apart & have no more than 10 people in one place, who cares I'm going to have Covid parties so I can boost my immunity. We need to wear masks everywhere we go (including our car), the masks are more likely to harbor germs. We need to wear gloves & sanitize everything, these germs cannot live long on surfaces.

We need to continue to support our community, we don't need to leave our house unless its an emergency. Don't go to the hospital or doctor because it increases your risk of exposure, everyone needs to get tested so we can keep up with the numbers. Buy up all the toilet paper, don't panic buy.

You can't go to church because there are too many people in close quarters, have drive in services. Only have church online, if you're caught at church you will be arrested.

Continue making your children do their schooling online, don't worry about school anymore the grades won't count.

Y'all I feel like I am watching the biggest tennis match ever & my head is spinning. My heart hurts from the continual bickering. Why can't we all just get along?!

We don't have to agree, but can we not at least respect each other. Seriously! Stop being so judgmental & start accepting each other for who we are & what we believe, even when it doesn't line up exactly like you. Stop making others feel guilty for the choices they make regarding themselves & their families.

Nothing but love & positivity here folks! Make the world brighter by your presence, not gloomier!

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

When Superman's Cape Gets Torn

There's been lots of talk lately about heroes. Not so much super heroes, like Marvel or DC, but everyday people that have become heroes simply by being who they are & by doing what they do. Most of them would argue passionately that they aren't doing anything special & they certainly aren't heroes.

That's part of what makes a hero even more special.

My opinion of heroes has changed over time but a few have remained through it all.

My entire life, I have been a daddy's girl. My daddy has always been a steady rock during the storms of life. He has never met a stranger & he will strike up a conversation with anyone. I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen my daddy angry & I only know of two occasions that a curse words has been uttered from his lips (it had to do with an animal pooping where it shouldn't). He hardly ever missed anything that was important in my life & he continues to support his grandchildren at the majority of their events as well. He was always ready to offer a helping hand to anyone in need. And he still kisses my forehead every time I see him.

My daddy is my hero.

He's better than superman, because he is real & he is mine!

When I was in college, we would go out & people would question if I was his wife. He has always looked young. It wasn't until after my daddy turned 60 that I started noticing he was looking more his age. That was the first time I realized he wouldn't be with me forever. That's a hard thing to deal with.

I talked to him today & he dropped a bombshell on me. He has been diagnosed with Leukemia. He found out in September but because it is considered "low grade", he didn't tell me. He didn't want to worry me. There wasn't any treatment that they wanted to start or any medicine to take so he kept it to himself.

Then about a month ago, he started getting really short of breath. He couldn't go & do like he was used to without getting very tired. He started swelling & he knew something wasn't right.

After numerous doctor's visits, X-rays, CT scans, & ultrasounds, they discovered that he has blood clots in his lungs. This is coming from the Leukemia. He has an upcoming appointment with his oncologist to talk about what to do next.

I feel like I have been punched in the stomach & the rug has been ripped out from underneath me.

I understand that we aren't at the dreaded level that so many others are, but I'm very concerned. My heart hurts at the thoughts of losing my daddy. My head hurts trying to come to terms with this.

We could all really use your prayers right now.

Monday, May 4, 2020

What Day Is It

The days are starting to run together. Without an actual schedule to keep, its hard to remember if its Thursday or if its the 3rd Monday we've had this week.

Some weeks feel like that, Monday, after Monday, after Monday.

It feels like we are on  repeat, school, supper, family time, snacks, bonfires, snacks, naps, take the dog out, snacks, late bed times, binging Netflix & TikTok, snacks, over & over again.

I love spending time with my family, but I thrive on a schedule, on predictability, on organized chaos. I like being busy, having somewhere to go, having something to do. Being NEEDED!

Right now, I feel useless. And tired!

I know my children need me. I know my husband depends on me. But I miss my kids at school! I miss being a part of their lives! I miss supporting them at sporting events! I miss my the teachers, the office ladies, I miss the principals, I miss the custodians, I miss the lunch ladies! I miss adult interaction! I miss the easy camaraderie I have developed with my usual schools.

I'm trying to keep it together, but some days are so much harder than others!

Those weeks that have 3 Mondays, yeah, those are hard.

My emotions are all over the place! I'm sad, confused, concerned. I'm hopeful. I'm disappointed, angry, & frustrated.

I get aggravated at my kids, at the dog, at my husband.

I'm sleep deprived! I've not had a peaceful night's sleep since all this mess started.

I'm bored. I'm tired of reading, social media, & TV.

I cry at random things & for absolutely no reason.

I want to scream. I want to throw things.

I want to return to normal. I want to go back to a time when Covid 19 didn't exist & didn't change the whole world. I want to be needed again! I want to make a difference!

I know that God has a plan & I'm trying really hard to hold to that! I'm trying to just be still, to find peace in this storm, & to let Him carry us through to the next step in His plan!

But some days are hard!  When the days run on together, it seems harder.

Is it Monday ... Again?

Friday, May 1, 2020

Blessing Ninja

I've always liked ninjas, haven't you?

They wear all black, have really fancy gadgets, usually come with cool theme music, & know how to take care of business. Most of the time they get in & get out without batting an eye or without someone else knowing, except for the occasional fight, but that's not important right now.

There's several "Blessing" groups on Facebook right now. The idea is to make a wish list of stuff you want or need from Amazon & then someone else buys it for you. You in turn, buy for other people as well. Kinda like an ongoing online shower. The concept is really neat & I'm a part of a couple of them. We also play online games, offer prayer requests, & get to know new people.

Let's be honest, most of the things on the lists are wants, not needs, & that's fine. Sometimes you NEED a few wants, it keeps us feeling normal. Lord knows we need normal right now.

I have nothing against these groups! They are bringing hope to weary mommas, smiles to children who have missed out of birthday parties, supplies for teachers trying to prepare for when they return to their classrooms, necessities for college kids looking forward to a new adventure, snacks & crafts to people who are bored at home, prayers & virtual hugs to those having a hard time. It's a nightlight in the darkness right now.

But what about those that are barely making it right now? How can they even think about buying novelties for someone else when they are out of milk and toilet paper?

Maybe some of you want to bless someone, and you have the extra money, but you don't want to spend it on someone you don't know. Maybe some of you don't know how to bless others. Maybe some of you are already being a blessing to those around you.

You know the best part about blessing others? The blessing! Not the selfies at the homeless shelter, not the Instagram posts showing you picking up trash on the side of the road, not the college applications listing all your volunteer hours. The blessing is the best part!

This goes back to my thoughts on ninjas.

Whatever you choose to do to bless others, do it without the fanfare, the praise, or the audience. Pray about who to bless & how. Then as you get ready to be a blessing, pray FOR them. Be a blessing ninja! It's so much more fun seeing their smiles when they have no clue who made them smile!

Happy Blessings!

Saturday, April 25, 2020

Class of 2020 - COVID 19 Roller Coaster Edition

Senior Year... it's a time of joy, anticipation, worry, stress, excitement, sadness, & gratitude. You cannot pin just one emotion on one of the biggest years of a young person's life.

It's a roller coaster of ups & downs, highs & lows, dizzying spins, & breathe taking drops. And just like a roller coaster, before you get on it, you have to wait. You wait through crowds of long lines watching the people in front of you, listening to their own excitement & concerns. You watch the people waiting behind you, they sometimes wish they were closer to the front of the line like you are. You watch the people who finally board the ride. Their faces, their squeals, their tears. Then its finally your turn, you climb aboard, get buckled in as best you can, & try to calm your nerves as you realize, it's here, it's finally my turn, there's no backing out now. You take off... then in the blink of an eye, the ride is pulling back into the station. It's over. It's hard to believe, but its over. All that waiting, watching, & anticipating, & now it's over. You did it. You exit the ride,  look back, & see the next passengers that are climbing aboard. They are taking the very seat that you just occupied. They are getting buckled in & getting ready for their long awaited ride. You are now a part of an elite group who can say I did it! I rode that ride! You can share your experience, your emotions, your concerns with fellow riders & with those who haven't gotten to ride yet.

This year started out just as every other senior year before. Ballgames, Homecoming, pep rallys, concerts, favorite teachers, classes you dread, spirit week, preparation for your graduation project, working a job, hanging out with friends, deciding what you want to do after graduation, applying for college, filling out scholarships, making plans for senior week, buying the perfect prom dress, barely holding back the tears during senior night, doing "your thing" for the very last time,

then ... BAM ... brick wall!

What. Just. Happened.

You get two weeks off & it's not Spring Break yet. It's not even holiday related. Well, hey, that's cool... I guess.

Then everyone starts talking about the possibility of school as we know it actually being canceled.

How is that even possible?

Those 2 weeks turn into 4 more, you try to keep up online with your assignments, you Zoom with your teachers, you try to find a job to help support your family, you reconsider your college plans, you miss your friends,  & you start to worry. What is going on?

Then, the inevitable happens. SCHOOL. IS. CANCELED.

We all knew it was coming, but it still hurts the heart! Life as we know it is completely upside down.

This was your year! This was your time!

The roller coaster has broken down & you are still strapped in. You can see the end up ahead. You know its there, but your stuck. That last steep hill, that last loop de loop is just out of your reach. You missed it! Everyone else got to enjoy the full ride, but here comes the proper authorities & they're helping you unbuckle & climb out. They are ushering you back down to the ground as safely as they can. You are thankful for their help, but you can't help to look back up at the ride & wonder what might have been.

Seniors, I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry! This year hasn't been exactly what you thought it would be. You are missing out on so many milestones & my heart breaks for you!

Spring sports, prom, graduation, senior skip day, & countless other final memories, all gone in the blink of an eye.

Class of 2020 - you were born during a huge time of uncertainty in the wake of the September 11 terrorist attacks, you have lived through an ongoing war on terror, you have faced many challenges & upsetting events, & now you are finishing high school during a global pandemic unlike anything we've ever experienced before. If you've made it this far, you are amazing. I applaud you. I pray for you. And I believe in you. You can do anything you set your minds to.

Class of 2020 - It's been one heck of a ride! A ride you will never forget. And more than likely, a ride that will not be duplicated.

Class of Covid-19

Early summer 2020, the actual date unknown. The idea, flashing neon lights in the back of my mind, growing larger & brighter every sin...