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Monday, March 2, 2015

I'm Tired

I don't know about you, but I'm tired!

Yes I run wide open more often than I don't. I tend to carry more plates than I can hold. And somehow I'm usually supposed to be in several different places at the same time.

I'm tired!

Before you go comparing our schedules & start laughing at who puts on a more entertaining juggling show, let me explain.

My physical state is NOT what I'm writing about today. Even though it applies, that can easily be fixed with a little shut eye.

I'm tired on a spiritual level.

I'm not even talking about my incompetence as a Christian.

BUT I'M TIRED!

I am tired of Satan getting the upper hand on me. I'm tired of him using my loved ones to get the best of me. I'm tired of him using my insecurities, my pain, and my fears to make me question the right decision. I'm tired of him thinking that my past will trip me up the way it used to.

My husband loves me unconditionally. He's not perfect, but he does the best he can. My children bring me more joy and more heartache than I ever knew was possible. Being a wife is hard. Being a mom is even harder. I don't always react the way I should. I don't always have all the answers. I don't always show the love I have in my heart. But I hope, at the end of the day, they know how hard I try!

I have a hard time opening up. I have a hard time trusting. I allow people to get to me more than I let on. I worry about things I have no control over.

I'm NOT the person I used to be. I'm not perfect. I fall every single day. I'm no where near where I need to be, but I'm a lot farther down the road from where I once was.

Satan isn't happy with who I aspire to be. He isn't happy with who God wants be to be. He knows he no longer has me, but he wants me so beaten down that I'm no good to anyone.

I have no clue what God has in store for my life. I'm not sure why He entrusted me with all these blessings that love me. But I do know that His word says in Jerimiah 29:11
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lordthoughts of peace, and not of evil".

So yes, I'm tired!! And I intend to rely on God to help me fix it!