Sunday, June 26, 2011

Pardon me while I rant for a few minutes!

Its no secret that my mom & I don't have the best relationship. Although, if you were to talk to her, she would say that it was great. I guess we all choose to live in our own little world & to remember & believe what we want to. And all too often, my memories & my beliefs don't line up quite right with hers.

This particular aggravation actually started a few years back & has recently escalated to the point where I'm not sure how I feel anymore.

I guess that since I am an only child, my mom automatically figured I would only have one child as well. She was never excited about mine & Justin's decision to increase our family size. And even after 5 years, she still favors Austin. I'm sure that she loves Makenzie, but.... its not quite the same. When I lost the baby 2 years ago, she was adamant that we were finished with children. Um, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I needed her permission to do anything anymore. I even asked her one time if she thought I was that bad of a mother!

Anyway, when we found out I was pregnant again, I dreaded telling her (I have dreaded telling her each time!). Most women are overjoyed & want their mother's to know as soon as possible. Oh well, yet again, that knocks me out of "most women". When I told her, the only thing she said was "Well, was it planned?". (Uh, yes mom, I'm married & I got pregnant on purpose)......Talk about disappointment..........

It took her another 6 weeks before she even mentioned it again!

Where's the joy? Where's the excitement? Where's the love?

During my whole pregnancy, she barely acknowledged anything about it. Then, towards the very end, she started getting a little "lovey"...... at least in front of other people. I thought, hey maybe she's coming around.

The weekend before Logan was born, I told everyone that if I went into labor in the middle of the night, I wasn't going to call. Our family was ok with that except my mom. She got mad.  I tried to explain that there was nothing for them to do except sit around & wait. She said that since she was there for the other 2, she wanted to be there this time as well. I decided right then & there that I would wait as long as possible before calling her.

When my doctor made the plans to induce me, I let everyone know & asked that no one come to the hospital until late afternoon. Amazingly, my mom was ok with this.

Well, lo & behold, Logan made his grand appearance before anyone got to the hospital. I was very thankful because that made the whole labor process easier on me. I didn't have to "entertain" through contractions like I did with Austin & Makenzie.

Justin called everyone to share the news & everyone said they would be on their way. Over an hour passed & my parents still hadn't showed up so I called my dad. He still hadn't left yet because mom wanted him to go to town & pay a bill ...... talk about mood swings! She pitched a fit wanting to be there & then made my dad wait just so she could make a payment. OK, whatever!

She acted strange the whole time at the hospital as well, like she was pouting, but I just took it in stride because THIS WAS MY DAY & NO ONE was going to ruin it!

My dad came back to see us the next day (Friday), but my mom wasn't with him. Austin & Makenzie were spending the night at their house.

On Saturday, my dad brought the kids home, but, yet again, my mom wasn't with him. When I talked to her, she said that she hadn't had any sleep, so she wasn't coming over. SHE HADN'T HAD ANY SLEEP! I'm the one with a newborn! Do you REALLY think that I got much sleep?!?! And then she actually asked me if it was OK that she didn't come over...... What did she want from beg? I quit "needing" her a long time ago!

Fast Forward ...... Austin & Makenzie went back over to dad's house yesterday (Saturday). When he brought them home, my mom actually decided to come with him this time. Oh, & to top it all off, she only stayed about 20 minutes!!! It has been a week & a half!

Most grandparents cannot get enough of their grandchildren, especially when they are little! But my mother, who only lives 30 minutes away - so that's not a valid excuse, has seen Logan less than 2 hours in a total of 9 days!

I just don't get it!

OK, so now, that's off my chest, & my crazy life can resume .......

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Love At First Sight

Its hard to believe that Logan is already over a week old! I waited, planned, prepared, & prayed for over 9 months for him to get here, feeling like it would never happen. Now, I can't imagine life without him. Its funny how someone so new & so little can control everyone around them!

Austin & Makenzie have adjusted well. Of course, there is some jealousy! But what else would you expect?! Its hard learning to share...especially when this new little critter is so demanding & needy! They are always wanting to hold Logan & kiss on him. He's just like a shiny new toy at Christmas. LOL

But then, I want to hold him & kiss on him all the time too! He is just so snuggly & loving, who could resist him? No wonder, everyone just goes crazy over babies. 

I am so thankful that God has blessed me with another miracle! I don't feel worthy to be trusted with the care of these 3 beautiful children, but for some reason God felt that Justin & I were the most suitable to raise them. I am just continually amazed at how all of them grow & develop.

Don't get too caught up in everyday life......

I just love how God uses simple, ordinary, everyday events to show me something! I know that I have spoken of this example a couple of times before, but God keeps using it to speak to me............. My lovely Zoey - No, I don't think my dog is of the devil, but if the shoe fits, well.....

My kittens have been doing a pretty good job of avoiding Zoey. I think they realize that their lives depend on it! But when I got home my Bible School last night, one of the kittens wasn't quite fast enough. Zoey was chasing it & when she would catch it, she would toss it in the air or shake it back & forth. As I saw this happening, the thought crossed my mind that, just like Zoey loves to torment the cats, Satan loves to torment us!

Luke 22:31 came to mind "And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat".

I couldn't get this out of my head. Satan is just waiting to jump on us when we least expect it!

A little while later, I checked my email & came across my devotional for the day ..... (I try to read it in the morning, but since the baby, I'm a little behind! LOL) ..... It fit PERFECTLY with the thoughts I was already having. 1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour".

Isn't it amazing the way God lines events up so that we can understand them better & apply them to our lives! I have let God down recently because I have gotten lazy. There has been so much other stuff going on that I haven't taken the time to spend with Him like I should. God sent me this reminder that if my faith & obedience to Him waivers, then the devil can sneak in before I realize what has happened.

Thank you God for reminding me! Please strengthen my devotion to you so that I may be ever ready when the devil tries to attack my family!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Just Waiting.........

Well, its been an interesting ride....I just knew that when I went back to the Dr Monday morning, they would keep me & let me have this baby, but they decided otherwise. Needless to say, I was livid! Don't get me wrong (& a lot of people have), I wasn't upset because I was being sent home without a baby. I was mad because I had been told for the 2 weeks that my Dr was on vacation he would probably induce me as soon as he got back because my blood pressure was climbing. I wasn't banking on this, but its always a let down when someone has been telling you one thing & then, all of a sudden, tells you something completely different.

Funny thing, in this 2 week span where my Dr. was MIA, I ended up with 5 office visits, 2 late night hospital visits, blood work, numerous blood pressure checks at home, & 2 24hr urine collections. Shew, that makes me tired just thinking about it. Is it any wonder why I was ready for this pregnancy to be over?

So anyway, I didn't get to see the Dr on Monday, he was in surgery. After a hospital visit Tuesday night due to contractions, I was sent home & instructed to keep my regular appointment for Wednesday.......Why bother?! That was my exact thoughts! I was still only dilated to a 2 & it was obvious that my contractions were not doing anything. I felt defeated & confused because it seemed like I didn't know my body. I mean, seriously, I have already done this labor thing a couple of times & I know what to expect, right? I tried to keep in mind that this pregnancy has been very different from the very beginning, why should the end be predictable?

Good thing I kept my appointment for Wednesday (yesterday). He decided to induce me! Yeah, its time for a baby! Of course, I had to hear all the risks that can occur even at 37 weeks. That's OK. God has kept us safe through everything else & I know His hand will be on us throughout the delivery!

I went home & cleaned my house like a mad woman! LOL Both of my kids have been induced, but they were not planned ahead of time, so there wasn't a whole lot I could do to really prepare. In fact, when I was told to head to the hospital with Makenzie at 37 weeks, I went back to work to "tie up loose ends", went to Belk to return something, went home to pack, & then headed back to the hospital!

So here I sit, at the hospital, hooked up to all the monitors. The only thing for me to do for now is wait......

Thursday, June 9, 2011

And Baby Makes Me ....... Anxious!

I feel so blessed to be expecting our 3rd baby. I know that a baby is a miracle from God & without Him, it would never happen. Conception, pregnancy & labor with Austin & Makenzie were realitively easy & I feel very fortunate for that. Then I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured & was told that it would be very hard for me to have any more kids. That's ok, I didn't want anymore .... at that time. Then, we decided that we did want another baby. I was prepared for it to take a while........ WRONG! I never thought that I would be pregnant the very next month!

Since then, it has definantly been a wild ride.

I am a pretty easy going person & I don't tend to complain too much, so this pregnancy has not been one of my most shining moments. I have had one issue after another & I haven't felt good in several weeks. I am really trying to look on the bright side, because there are so many other people with problems a lot more serious than mine. But its getting really difficult.

I am so ready for my darling baby boy to make his appearrance! In the last couple of weeks my blood pressure has started steadily climbing & my feet have started swelling, so that has made me feel even worse than usual.

At my 35 week appointment, last Wednesday, I found out that my Dr. was going on vacation for the next 10 days. I was instructed to "stay very still" until he got back in town. Um, I don't know how to stay still! My lifestyle doesn't allow it! Well, that lasted until Sunday, when my contractions were about 5 minutes apart ..... false alarm, but I was dialated to a 2.

I went back yesterday for my 36 week appointment. My blood pressure was still climbing, there was protein in my urine, & there is a possibility of preeclampsia. This happened with both of the others so I shouldn't be surprised, but after everything else, I was really hoping for a break!

I had to do a 24 hour urine test (which is not much fun) & go back today for blood work (I'll find out about that tomorrow). I am still at a 2 so no progression there. Yet again, I have been instructed to "just lay around" because my blood pressure was the worst today that its been - 150/92.

I really need for my Dr to get back in town!

We'll see what the weekend holds.......

Is Your Faith Getting a Little Weak?

I have had this post on my mind for a while, but haven't taken the time to express it. I'm sorry for that!

Once again, God has used the simplest things to show me something important. I have our cat Faith before as an example & as I was watching her the other day, God gave me another lesson.

A few months after Faith came back home, she had 6 kittens. They were the cutest little furballs & my kids loved watching them. Well, unfortunately, nature happened & after about 2 weeks, our 2 month old puppy Zoey thought they would make great play toys. 4 of them died. We were all heartbroken, but the kids learned that nature isn't always what we want it to be.

After that, we have tried our best to protect the other 2 kittens & keep them away from Zoey. Well, so far so good - they are 6 weeks old. But they are getting VERY curious & will not stay in the barn where they are safe, so I'm not sure how much longer this will last. I don't think that Zoey means to hurt them, but they are so little & her teeth are so sharp.

Now, as for Zoey & Faith - that's a different story all together. Zoey DOES NOT care much for Faith & let's her know it on a regular basis. I've watched this go on for several weeks & I try to intervene as much as possible, but I can't stop a dog from not liking a cat anymore than I can make it rain.

Problem is, Faith doesn't fight back much. Zoey will pounce on her, chew on her, wrestle her, etc & Faith doesn't do much of anything to try & stop it. In the past couple of days, I've noticed that Faith seems to have given up. She doesn't pay much attention to her kittens right now. She is losing fur & has several scratches & scabs on her neck from Zoey.

There's not much I can do to help, if she is not willing to help herself.

This reminds me of us Christians so often. We all have times where we get down in the dumps. It seems that everything goes wrong & everyone is out to get us. Our Faith gets weak & we just seem to give up.

It doesn't matter how much help or encouragement we get from others around us, nothing about our situation will change until we are willing to allow it to change.

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