I miss writing more than I ever thought I would. I've allowed myself to get so busy, so calloused, so overwhelmed that it didn't seem to matter anymore. I'm trying to find my way back.
I find myself in another situation now. This one is no fault of my own, except maybe for some foolish parenting mistakes along the way.
Like most parents, my children bring me great joy, but also like most parents, they cause more heartache than I've ever thought possible. Raising teenagers is no joke, that's for sure.
My kids are far from perfect, but they are good kids who don't think things through & who make mistakes. Just like yours.
My oldest is in trouble, again. We find ourselves there more often than I find comfortable. That doesn't mean he's a bad kid or that he's a bad influence, it just means that he's a normal teenage boy, who has a tendency to get caught simply because he has been in trouble before & he's being watched more closely.
He has a heart the size of Texas & a temper quick as lightening. He'll argue with a stop sign & fight for what he thinks is right. He's unapologetic in his beliefs.
All of those are admirable qualities as he matures, but they are frustrating now.
Some days I just want to scream, why can't you just sit still & not rock the boat. But, that's not in his nature.
He found himself involved in a freshman football hazing prank. That's honestly the best way I can describe it. This type of thing happens ALL. THE. TIME. in locker rooms all over the world, at the high school level, the college level, & even middle school as well. There's just something about boys acting stupid when they get in a group of their peers, especially unsupervised.
My child's involvement is very limited. He grabbed a friend of his & wrestled him to the ground. Then while my child is trying to get up, other things happened. As a result, my child got suspended from school, got kicked off the football team, faced court charges, counseling, & REPEATED HARASSMENT from children & adults alike.
I'm angry that there were others involved that didn't get in trouble. There were others involved who came up with the idea. There were others involved who videoed the ordeal. There were others involved who stood by. But for some reason they didn't get in ANY trouble.
I don't understand!
I'm angry that I have heard countless rumors & that people choose to believe them instead of finding out the truth. Welcome to America, where everyone is out for themselves & no one is compassionate.
I'm angry & I'm hurt that I have had people that I considered close friends blackball me for a mistake my child made. Here's an idea, whether you agree, disagree, or are impartial, offer a word of comfort. Tell me you are praying for us. Understand that CHILDREN MAKE MISTAKES. Pray that your child is never in the same situation mine is in. Whatever, but do not judge us! ITS NOT YOUR PLACE!
I'm angry that complete strangers think its appropriate to post comments, ask for details, & otherwise try to inflame the fire that's trying to be smothered out. I'm angry that mere acquaintances have the nerve to smart off to me when I simple ask how they are doing.
My husband told me the other day that I've been lost since all of this happened. Yeah, that's a pretty accurate description. I don't know what to do, what to say, how to act. I certainly don't know who I can talk to anymore. There have been a few hidden gems that have surfaced throughout all of this & for them, I am thankful. But to say I don't trust people is an understatement. To say I don't want to be around people is another understatement.
I'm trying really hard to hold onto my faith & believe that God has a plan & a purpose, but its almost impossible right now. You can't see the mountaintop from the bottom of the valley.