Sunday, August 22, 2010

My Deepest Valley

The only reason I am choosing to share this next part is in hopes that it can help someone else from going through the same pain that I encountered. Please do not sit in judgement on me, because I am only human & God is my only judge.

I had it all - a loving husband, 2 beautiful children, a job that I truly loved, & a church where we felt comfortable (comfortable is not a place to remain if you ever want to grow in Christ). But I was unhappy, underneath it all, I wondered if there was something else. I don't want to give the Devil anymore credit than he deserves, but he knows what our weaknesses are. Mine - this time was attention.

I have always been outgoing, easy to talk to, & somewhat of a flirt. I never really mean anything by that, it just comes natural to me. This time, it took me down a long & dangerous road. That's the thing about sin. It looks good while you are in it, but it will take you so much farther than you ever wanted to go a lot faster than you even realize.

I started flirting with someone, or I should say, he started flirting with me & I didn't stop it. Whoever started this was not important. We were (& thankfully still are) married & knew better. I was bored. I was unhappy. My husband wasn't giving me the attention I thought I needed. I was tired of just being Justin's wife & just being Austin & Makenzie's mom. I needed to still be Tracie & I had a hard time figuring out who she still was. So I ran to the garden of Eden & dealt with my own tree of forbidden fruit.

Without rehashing details, I messed up. No, I never had an affair with this man, but if I would have stayed on that same road, it more than likely would have ended there. I lost the job that I loved, I put my marriage on the line, I put his marriage on the line, & we were forced to find a new church.

It took me a really long time to forgive myself. I have been a lot of things in my life, but I have never been a "homewrecker" & I have never had any respect for anyone who was. Lesson learned here - don't judge anyone, because you don't have a clue what you would do in the same situation.
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