And Baby Makes......Me Tired!

I really thought that I didn't want any more children. I have 2 beautiful, healthy, happy children & I have also experienced loss, should I really test the waters again? It took us around 10 months to become pregnant with Austin. My pregnancy with him was very uneventful until the last month when I developed Toxemia & Preeclampsia. My labor with him was also rather easy & shorter than expected. Of course there are always a few issues, but only a few. I was 23 years old. My pregnancy with Makenzie was very similar. It only took 5 months to conceive her. I was a little more tired because I was also chasing a 3 year old around. I felt a little nauseous with her, but I still was never sick like so many of my friends. There was also the brief thought of multiples with her. There was a second sac that "never developed". Of course the doctors don't believe that was actually a baby, but I know better. God would not create another sac just because. I didn't really grieve over this baby because I was so excited about the one that survived. Again, I dealt with Toxemia & Preeclampsia in the end & my allergies were a little rougher than usual. My labor with her was a little more difficult, but still nothing to complain about. I thought, "Hey, maybe this is just my easy thing" because we all have something that comes natural to us. I also gained very little weight during pregnancy & lost 3xs as much after they were born (Austin - gained 22lbs & lost 65 lbs, Makenzie - gained 15 lbs & lost 45 lbs). Again, I feel truly blessed!

Then, we thought we were ready for another baby so we started trying. I joked that since Makenzie had taken half the time that Austin had, this one would "come like lightening". Little did I know that it only took 1 time - I know this because everyone at my house stayed sick the whole month of January so we weren't exactly in the mood. After less than 2 months, I changed my mind, I just wasn't sure that I was ready for another little one. Well, I was already pregnant but we just didn't know it. I "felt" pregnant - a woman knows her body, but several tests turned up negative. I even had my period right on time in February & when it came time for it again in March, the pain was unreal. I knew that I had never felt this bad & something wasn't right. After 3 days of trying to work through the pain & several calls to the doctor, they finally told me to come on in. On the way to the doctor's office, I felt the pop. Long story short - I was 5 weeks pregnant. Unfortunately, the baby had decided that my right tube would make a great home. It had ruptured & I needed emergency surgery. I had never been so scared in all my life! I was literally on the edge of death. If it had ruptured during my sleep, I wouldn't have woken up! I didn't have time to process the fact that I had lost a baby, I was busy fighting for my life. After recovering some, I knew that my family was complete.

So much can change in such a short amount of time. We had yet again reached the point in our lives that we were ready to add to our family. My doctor had given me strict instructions to inform him the very minute we decided to try again because the repeat chance of ectopic pregnancies are very high. When I called him towards the end of August, he told us not to be discouraged since I had lost my right tube, it would probably take us longer to get pregnant this time. Well, I had a positive test the first week in November & I was already 5 weeks so again it only took one month.

We immediately had an ultrasound just to make sure that this baby was where it should be. Thankfully, everything looked the way it should. The next 5 weeks absolutely drug by. I still haven't been sick, but I stay exhausted. I cannot breathe at all. My allergies & my asthma have been awful. I have also gained more weight than I should have by now & I'm already showing. I have easy pregnancies, remember. I'm not supposed to feel bad. Could it be twins this time? We were really preparing for this. Other people were also predicting this & my pastor's wife even bought a girl & a boy outfit already!

Well, come to find out, there's only one baby. Unless of course the other one is hiding really well. hahaha  I am just getting older (I'm 32) & its not as easy on my body as it was before. I also have an 1.5 inch tear in my placenta so I have been put on moderate bed rest. I can run little errands, but no housework (WOOHOO!) & lots of resting off my feet. Well, hello, I am a stay at home mother of 2 very active children, I am constantly running somewhere for something, I homeschool, & I am one of the youth leaders at church, my idea of taking it easy is walking v e r y s l o w l y around Walmart. I am not the greatest housekeeper, but clutter drives me crazy. Justin has told me not to worry about it & he knows he has to stay on top of it, or I'll just do it myself.  We'll see how this goes. Pray for my family! Hopefully my body will heal itself & hopefully we will not try to kill each other in the process!

Tales of a Homeschool Nothing ~ Whoops!

It has just dawned on me...I messed up. Well now, thats not anything unusual because I make mistakes all the time, but this one affects my family.  I fell into the same trap that so many of us do.  I got excited about something & I acted on it...without taking enough time to figure out God's plan.  Oh, I prayed about it, but it went something like this......."God, this is what I want to do & I think its a good idea. If its ok with you, please let it happen."  Don't get all self righteous on me now because I know that some of you do the exact same thing.  Well, God let it happen & now I have a very heavy heart because I know it wasn't His will.

Being new to homeschooling, the only thing I had to go on was other people's opinions & ideas.  I decided to go one way because it looked & sounded really good.  Well, it was really good, but not for my family.  I take comfort in realizing I'm not the first to jump into a curriculum & figure out half way through that its just not working.  I also lost sight of our main goals.  I wasn't putting enough emphasis on God.  I can look back & understand why we struggled so much from day to day, why at any given moment I was ready to give up & run away screaming.

Now I have a dilemia because I know that God is leading me a new direction & I definantly do not want to get in front of Him again.  Do I just drop that part for the rest of the year & start fresh next year?  We don't exactly have the money to spend on another curriculum right now.  I know that God will supply my every need, I just have to turn loose & let Him.

Please continue to pray for my family as we slowly trickle down this journey!