I knew it was a mistake before I even made the decision to go.
I knew I was already having a bad day.
I knew going would make it even worse.
But it was calling for snow and I was almost out of laundry detergent.
Seriously, I needed to go to Walmart for laundry detergent, on a day they were calling for snow, and on a weekend, to make things worse.
I hate Walmart. I always have, but I never hated it quite the way I have grown to hate it in the past few months. I LOATHE going, but my family insists on running out of things left and right and the all too frequent trips are unavoidable.
The minute I walked into the store, I felt the walls closing in on me. Everyone in town was there it felt like. I didn't even make it past the produce section when my accelerated breathing and rapid heartbeat forced me to stop in my tracks and close my eyes.
I could not breathe. I wanted so bad to jerk that mask off just so I could take a deeper breath, but I knew that was a bad idea.
The panic attacks are getting worse. They are becoming more frequent and I don't know how to fix it.
I hate feeling like this!
I hate worrying all the time.
I can't sleep well. I have to make myself do the smallest task. I'm eating everything in sight. I'm freezing all the time.
Home is my safe place.
My stress is through the roof and I cry at the drop of a hat.
Honestly, the best way I can describe it. I feel like I am in a horror movie. You know, everyone understands this.
I am in a horror movie, running away from whatever is chasing me. I keep running, looking over my shoulder. The anxiety keeps building and I keep waiting for whatever it is to catch me. I know, deep down, it will eventually catch me. And when it does catch me, it will kill me.
I just keep running and looking and waiting.
