You Say

Why is it harder to listen to what you know is the truth than to worry about a whispered lie?

On the outside, I have always been a self confident, independent person, but oh if you could see the insecurities that lay just under the surface.

The devil has really been working overtime on my mind lately. I question decisions, conversations, people. I doubt my worth as a wife & mother. I worry that my children aren't loved & appreciated the way I know they should be. I wonder where certain friends disappear to when I need someone to talk to.

I know that I am a princess because my father is the king. I know that the devil is a liar & the author of confusion. I know the promises God has made me. I know that the devil wants to rob me of my joy because he certainly can't have my soul.

But oh how hard it is to remember these truths sometimes.

I'm thankful that my pastor somehow knew my heart tonight & spoke right to me.

Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and 

are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Lord, I'm trying so hard to remember what you say & not listen to those lies & insecurities. And in the meantime, while I'm trying to remember who I am, please forgive me if I seem a little extra edgy or insecure.

It's a Great Day to Be Alive

It's been rough around here lately. It's hard to find the words to express everything I/we are feeling. We lost a good man recently & today we celebrated his life.

My daughter's favorite teacher of all time passed away expectantly. It hit her hard. It hit her class hard. Those kids, those teachers, that school will forever be changed by the life he lived.

I knew almost immediately the impact Dustin Transou was having on my 12 year old daughter. See, we have always listened to all kinds of music, so when she started playing Michael Jackson & The Avett Brothers (to name just a few), I didn't question it. But as she started playing these songs more & more frequently, I realized that he was opening her eyes even wider than I had. It's a Great Day to be Alive was one of his favorite songs & he played it all the time for the kids.

With his passing, those songs played on a constant loop for her.

So in honor of his birthday... It's a Great Day to be Alive

Making A Difference...

***DISCLAIMER***
If you are ever reading anything that I or anyone else writes & you stop to say "Well, I would never react that way" or "I would never allow that to happen" or "My child would never do that", you need to immediately stop reading & return back to your perfect world, because over here, we are far from perfect! I write my heart. I always have, with very little censorship. I write, not to glorify our imperfections, or our insanity, but to bring light to the fact that NO ONE is perfect & we all struggle in our own ways. Some of us more than others. And some of us are a little more vocal about it. So if you want a little encouragement that your child isn't the only one making incredibly stupid decisions or that you aren't the only mom out there just barely making it day to day, please read on & feel free to drop a comment on the latest disaster going on in your life. No judgement here, I promise!
***

I was in town recently, getting ready to drive home. The windows were cracked, because it was the first day in a long time that it hasn't been freezing. As I'm getting ready to pull out onto the street, a friend of Austin's catches my attention as I hear her exclaim "There's Tracie!" & see her waving wildly. I laugh & wave back thinking "hmm, I can't believe she recognized me". See this girl has only met me a couple of times & here I was, in my car, hair pulled back, sunglasses on, yet still she knew it was me.

It made me smile because I thought, "well, maybe I am making a difference".

And immediately tears sprang to my eyes as a different thought about making a difference crossed my mind. The realization that I could have just saved someone's life or at the very least, made them reconsider some very bad decisions floored me.

.....

When my 16 year old came home recently with alcohol on his breathe & an illegal substance in his pocket (which upon further investigation may or may not have been his - regardless - guilty by association), I was devastated. I was angry. I was disappointed. I was worried. I was confused. I was hurt.

For the millionth time, I questioned every decision I've ever made as a mother.

And then I did something I never thought I would do, something I never thought I would have to do. I called the law on a teenage party.

I knew a friend of ours was working so I knew he would go check it out. Invoking fear into these kids, letting the parents know what was going on, without anyone getting into too much trouble, hopefully.

At first, I questioned the hasty decision, but as time passed, I realized that I did the right thing & I knew without a doubt that I would do it all over again. If I kept one of those kids from hurting themselves or someone else, if I somehow scared the daylights out of one of them & made them realize what a mistake they were making, it was all worth it!

So I'll just keep on being that mean mom & pray that I am making a difference...one angry teenager at a time!