Tuesday, April 15, 2014

To Know That I Know That I Know

I just love those spirit filled services. You know, the ones with singing, crying, testifying, & the Holy Spirit moving. I love to hear how the Lord is working in other people's lives. I love to tell people how God is working in my life. But, I usually claim up when it comes to my personal testimony.

I know that most people love to tell how God changed their life, how Jesus saved them. I know that a lot of people can take you back to a day, a time, a place where their life changed forever.

I can't do that & it bothers me!

I have a date that I cling to. I know that I was on the altar March 29, 1992 (the day before I turned 14). It was one of "those services". Fellman Cheek was especially long winded & it was pushing on towards 1pm.

But I also know that I made professions both before & after this time. The first was at a Bailey Smith Crusade on a Tuesday night when I was about 8. I can even see the shirt I was wearing! My mom made her way to the make shift altar the very next night.

Another significant date that stands out was the night before Halloween 1998. Justin & I went with some friends to visit The House of Judgement in Elkin & I just didn't know anymore.

Most of my life, I have questioned my salvation. Not too long ago, I called my pastor in tears. After a heart wrenching conversation, he told me that deep down, no matter the doubts, I knew the answer.

I have times where I "feel" alone. I "feel" confused. I don't read my Bible like I should. I don't pray like I should. I don't witness like I should. I don't "feel" like a very good Christian.

Then I have times where I "feel" joy. I "feel" peace. I enjoy reading my Bible. I look forward to church. I stay in a state of prayer. I "feel" like God is pleased with me.

There are times that I "feel" sad when others talking about knowing exactly when they gave their lives to Jesus. But then I realized that its ok that I don't know when. The devil wants me to doubt. He knows that when I doubt, I'm not feeling confident in my Christian life. And when I am not confident, then I don't work nearly as hard. He has me right where he wants me.

I have prayed for assurance. I have prayed for God to reveal the exact date for me so I wouldn't doubt anymore. Then God brought a thought by me. Paul talked about a thorn in his flesh. He begged God to remove it from him.

2 Corinthians 12:5 Of such an one will I glory: yet of myself I will not glory, but in mine infirmities.
For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me.
And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Maybe, just maybe, this is my thorn. Maybe, just maybe, THIS is my testimony for a reason. Maybe, just maybe, I can help someone else on their journey through their doubts & mine.

I'm thankful that we aren't saved on "feelings". We are saved by faith through grace!

Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Psalm 51:12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

Stand strong weary Christian. Don't give the devil this victory. Take comfort in KNOWING that God's promises are true! If He promised to save us, He will! 

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