To Know That I Know That I Know

I just love those spirit filled services. You know, the ones with singing, crying, testifying, & the Holy Spirit moving. I love to hear how the Lord is working in other people's lives. I love to tell people how God is working in my life. But, I usually claim up when it comes to my personal testimony.

I know that most people love to tell how God changed their life, how Jesus saved them. I know that a lot of people can take you back to a day, a time, a place where their life changed forever.

I can't do that & it bothers me!

I have a date that I cling to. I know that I was on the altar March 29, 1992 (the day before I turned 14). It was one of "those services". Fellman Cheek was especially long winded & it was pushing on towards 1pm.

But I also know that I made professions both before & after this time. The first was at a Bailey Smith Crusade on a Tuesday night when I was about 8. I can even see the shirt I was wearing! My mom made her way to the make shift altar the very next night.

Another significant date that stands out was the night before Halloween 1998. Justin & I went with some friends to visit The House of Judgement in Elkin & I just didn't know anymore.

Most of my life, I have questioned my salvation. Not too long ago, I called my pastor in tears. After a heart wrenching conversation, he told me that deep down, no matter the doubts, I knew the answer.

I have times where I "feel" alone. I "feel" confused. I don't read my Bible like I should. I don't pray like I should. I don't witness like I should. I don't "feel" like a very good Christian.

Then I have times where I "feel" joy. I "feel" peace. I enjoy reading my Bible. I look forward to church. I stay in a state of prayer. I "feel" like God is pleased with me.

There are times that I "feel" sad when others talking about knowing exactly when they gave their lives to Jesus. But then I realized that its ok that I don't know when. The devil wants me to doubt. He knows that when I doubt, I'm not feeling confident in my Christian life. And when I am not confident, then I don't work nearly as hard. He has me right where he wants me.

I have prayed for assurance. I have prayed for God to reveal the exact date for me so I wouldn't doubt anymore. Then God brought a thought by me. Paul talked about a thorn in his flesh. He begged God to remove it from him.

2 Corinthians 12:5 Of such an one will I glory: yet of myself I will not glory, but in mine infirmities.

6 For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me.

7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Maybe, just maybe, this is my thorn. Maybe, just maybe, THIS is my testimony for a reason. Maybe, just maybe, I can help someone else on their journey through their doubts & mine.

I'm thankful that we aren't saved on "feelings". We are saved by faith through grace!

Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Psalm 51:12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

Stand strong weary Christian. Don't give the devil this victory. Take comfort in KNOWING that God's promises are true! If He promised to save us, He will! 

The Best of 2013

It seems like only yesterday that I was writing this post describing 2012, now I'm reviewing 2013.

365 days - It can both seem like forever & can seem like mere moments. Some of those moments can bring a smile to your face, some can make you cringe just thinking about them, & some can change your life forever.

I hope that more moments in 2013 made you smile than cry. I hope that not only has your life been changed for the better, but that you have had a part in changing someone else's life as well.

Join me in reminiscing on a few favorites from the past year. If you have one that stands out, please let me know!

• God is still saving sinners
• Dr Seuss is the greatest
• "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11
• My husband is my best friend.
• We all need a vision
• Austin returns to public school
• My children teach me more than I teach them
• Makenzie returns to public school
• And God uses little ones too
• Occasionally I can cook
• Is holding your breath really necessary
• You are my hero
• Surely 490 isn't the magic number
• I fully believe that God dropped Plexus in my lap at JUST the right moment!
• Are you a good follower
• Bad news isn't always as bad as it seems
• Our beach vacation
• Never a dull moment
• One proud momma
• The curriculum that isn't being used
• Logan's birthday party
• We are only human
• Show them you love them 

As you can see, I had a hard time narrowing it down this year!

I thank God for a happy 2013 & I look forward to an even better 2014!

A True Celebration

As I looked in the mirror this morning, the first thing that I noticed was my swollen puffy eyes & I was thankful for them.

You see, my eyes are swollen from a very emotional day yesterday. I had the honor of attending the most beautiful funeral I have ever seen. Yes, funerals are sad occasions, BUT they hold so much promise in them. If you are a child of God, this is not "good bye", its only "see you in the morning."

I can honestly say that I have never witnessed a funeral quite like this. Yes, there were tears, but there was also rejoicing, testifying, & people begging for sinners to be saved.

This dear man & his wife have been huge influences on me throughout the years. I enjoyed many hours in their home & under their leadership. Their daughter was one of my best friends growing up. And even though I haven't seen them as often as I would like recently, they have never been far from my heart.

The tears started flowing the moment I walked into the church and though they aren't a steady stream, they are bubbling up just under the surface even now. As I hugged Daniel, and he thanked me for coming, I told him that I wouldn't have missed this home going for anything. Amanda & I just fell into each others arms & I reminded her of our childhood joke "the 3 hairs on top of the shiny head of my Diddy". We just cried.

Then there was Mary, sweet Mary. Always smiling, always gracious. She embraced me and said "my precious Tracie" and told me how undeserving she was of my admiration. She then took a few minutes to encourage me to always support my husband in his ministry and remind me just how blessed I was to be a pastor's wife.

Can you believe it???? This new widow is encouraging me!! Isn't it supposed to be the other way around???

Well, if you know Mary, it's no surprise. When I picture the Proverbs 31 woman, I see Mary! I know she is not perfect, but she is just about as close as one can get on this earth.

Thinking back down through the years, I have many fond memories of Larry, Mary, Amanda, & Daniel. Church trips, sleep overs, haunted houses, hide & seek, passing notes when we should be paying attention, jumping on the trampoline late at night, boys, birthday parties, Carowinds, dances, weddings, & words upon words of wisdom.

I was on the phone with Amanda when her bedroom lamp exploded & she freaked out because she just knew her house was haunted. We weren't even teenagers yet.

I remember just how hard Amanda took it when Mary surrendered to God's will by only wearing skirts. She thought we would never get to go to Carowinds again.

I remember how Daniel used to aggravate us to no end. But that's what little brothers are for.

I remember being scared to death of their dog. We would always wait until he wasn't around and then run for our lives.

I remember thinking how intimidating Larry always looked when he was in uniform, but then I was one of the ones lucky enough to know he was actually a teddy bear with a heart of gold. I loved hearing him preach but I could never sympathize with being a preacher's kid.

Mary called me a few years ago after I sent her a gift that wasn't worth anything of monetary value. We talked for what seemed like hours. She was the one who told me how proud she was of me for homeschooling my children. She has always been the one to tell me to follow God, support my husband, & love my babies.

I could sit here forever telling stories of how much this family has meant to me.

It never really dawned on me that these saints were getting older. I wish that could have spent a few more hours with Larry before he died. I hope to be able to sit down and spend time with Mary soon. She has so much more to teach me.

Yesterday, I wasn't crying because death had claimed another life. I was rejoicing over a saint getting promoted. I was reminiscing many happy hours spent in love. I was concerned over an empty place at the dinner table & a huge hole left in hearts. I was also somewhat envious of Larry sitting at our savior's feet. I was curious to see who would be willing to take up his mantle & run for our Lord.

Something More

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MEEE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Well, in case you missed the HUGE news flash, yesterday was my birthday! How old, you might ask.... Um, well, older than last year! I turned a whopping 34 yesterday! That's ALMOST half way to 70! Holy cow! When did I get so OLD!?

Yes, I have noticed all these interesting creases in my face. Yes, I have found a few (yes, just a few!!) strange colored strands of hair on my head, but that's only because I haven't had time to color them lately! We'll address that problem soon!



I don't like this picture, but oh well, it was the 1st one taken in my new year!

I spent some time thinking yesterday about the past 34 years. I don't think I've done a whole lot that has been noteworthy, but I do have a lot of very good memories.
My greatest accomplishments of course are my babies! I'm not sure why God blessed me with such BEAUTIFUL children, but I'm glad that He did!

My most important decision would be accepting Jesus as my savior! I am nothing without Him!

So many people look back & reminisce on their "glory days". Well, my definition of glory is a whole lot different than most peoples. The majority of my favorite times have happened in the past 13 years & most of them have involved Justin & my kids!

Unfortunately, I also have several bad memories as well. I have made some pretty stupid mistakes in my time here on earth. Some things that I am REALLY ashamed of, some things I REALLY try to forget, & some things that I may never be able to forgive myself for, BUT .....

Thankfully God has already forgotten & FORGIVEN them! HALLELUAH!! He has buried my past.

As I was thinking, it really bothered me to admit just how little I have done for my Lord. He has given me everything! He saved my soul from an eternal Hell through His mercy. He provides, not only my needs, but also a lot of my wants with His love. He has glued my marriage together with His grace. Now He is opening door after door for my family to serve Him through His goodness so that we may bring honor to Him!

I want my next 34 (and more) years to be spent serving Him!!

I think this song sums up so much of all of our lives! Thank God we are MORE!!

Just How Wide is that Gate?

"Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." (Matthew 7:13)

I have encountered many people in my lifetime who would do absolutely anything to help someone out. They were some of the nicest people you could ever meet. Their biggest problem ...... they were lost & had no desire to be saved!

Most of these people have had a "bad experience" with church & church members. The logic in their minds, "well if so-&-so is going to Heaven, then so am I". What has led so many of these people to think this way? WE HAVE! Far too many church members try to live like the world during the week & act all holy on Sunday (or whatever day they attend church).

The world likes to pick people apart, especially Christians. If we make a mistake, I can assure you that someone has witnessed it & will not forget it any time soon.

Christians - I urge you to PLEASE think about the way you are acting! PLEASE think about what you are saying! PLEASE think about who you are affecting!

I completely believe that every single decision or action that we make affects not only us, but also other people. I don't want to do or say anything that would hinder someone from coming to know Jesus! I don't want any one's blood dripping from my hands when I stand before my Savior! I want Him to be able to tell me "Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord." (Matthew 25:21)

Do you KNOW?

The story of the wheat & the tares in Matthew 13:24-30 is just one example of where Bible warns us about false Christians.

"Let both grow together until the harvest: and in the time of harvest

I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares,

and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the wheat into my barn."

Its a scary thought that maybe some people who we think are "good Christian people" may not be truly a Christian. Its even scarier to think that the devil does that great of a job deceiving people.

I have always struggled with my salvation. I know that I know that I'm going to Heaven to see my Lord & Savior one day but there are times where I start to wonder. These are dry times in my life, times when I've gotten slack in my relationship with God, times where I have taken His blessings & His presence for granted. We've all been there - things are good, the finances are in order, everyone is healthy. Or maybe we are super busy, running here & there, finishing this project or that chore & we don't even have time to study our Bible & we think a quick "Thank you Lord" is sufficient. Before long, we start to feel empty, like something is missing. Not some thing, someone! Its during those times, where doubt starts to creep in!

Salvation is a FREE gift! It is so simple that we try to complicate it. Its hard to accept that someone would die for me. Its hard to understand that all I have to do is trust & believe & I can live forever.

IT REALLY IS THAT EASY! But, you have to know that you know that you know! Don't "think so", don't "hope so", don't "wish so". KNOW SO!!!

Salvation isn't based on feelings, but it sure does feel good to be saved!


God hasn't left us. He's still right there & He's waiting on us to come back to Him.

One of my favorite songs right now talks about coming back to God http://youtu.be/dCN0hnogqj8
Isn't it time you came home?