Are We Prepared for the Mental Fallout

 We are doing everything we can to follow guidelines and protocols.

Class sizes are minuscule, masks hide faces so you are not sure if they are smiling anymore or not, the smell of cleaning chemicals weighs heavy in the air.

We have limited breaks, roaming the halls with your friends, & sitting where you want at lunch. We have put massive restrictions on sporting events, not held pep rallys, and cancelled dances.

Our schools are probably one of the safest places to be right now because we are all trying so hard to keep everything clean and continue to keep our kids safe.

But school is supposed to be safe, right?

We are being told to avoid family, church, the grocery store, and pretty much anywhere else and everything in between.

But church is supposed to be safe, right?

With family is supposed to be one of the places we feel safest, right?

While everyone is so concerned about our physical health, what are we sacrificing for it?

Have all of these experts thought about how much we need to be around other people? How much we need to feel accepted? How much we need to be involved in social activities?

Of course I am concerned about the physical health and well being of those around me, I'm not heartless. But from where I stand & from the view that I have daily, I am far more concerned with our mental health right now.

Depression has increased, loss of sleep has increased, anxiety has increased.

Adults are struggling, young people are struggling, kids are struggling.

My precious teenage daughter is just one example of how this virus is messing with our children in more than just the ways we believe it is.

She has always been a social butterfly. She loves to be out doing things and around people. She has never let harmful words or actions from other people stick with her for long.

Since the end of March, I have noticed a difference in her.

Her smile isn't quite as bright as it used to be. Her laugh doesn't ring out quite as easily as it used to.

Her resilience and confidence is no where near what it used to be.

She's been having dizzy spells and anxiety. We honestly thought her iron levels were just low until we really started paying attention.

She was having panic attacks. They are not full blown like what you would classify as a normal attack, but if you know her, you can definitely tell that something is off.

I didn't comprehend just how bad it had gotten until she broke down in tears a few weeks ago when we shared what we were thankful for in our Thanksgiving church service. 

Here is the girl who has cheered in front of hundreds of people since she was 5 years old, the girl who has always sang solos at church and at school, the girl who ran around countless people in DC cutting up pretending to be a spy. All of a sudden, the thought of speaking out loud with less than 20 people listening has spiraled her into a sobbing mess.

What happened?!?!

This virus happened!

Just recently, she came to me & asked if she could stay with me a little while. It's nothing unusual for her to come see me at school, she does it all the time. But this time was different. I could tell by the look in her eyes & the hitch in her voice. 

Something set her off and she didn't recover the rest of the day from it. She actually spent 20 minutes in the bathroom floor and no one knew about it!

It breaks my heart to see her this way. She's always been so sure of herself. Now it feels like she's fighting to be normal.

My heart aches for normal! 

The experts & medical professionals are spitting out numbers and statistics about the virus daily almost, but have they looked deeper than the numbers? Have they looked at anything other than our physical health?

This virus is causing so many more problems than what we see on the surface!

Class of Covid-19

Early summer 2020, the actual date unknown.

The idea, flashing neon lights in the back of my mind, growing larger & brighter every single year.

The first few days of Kindergarten in the fall of 2007, you stood beside a sign that read Class of 2020 & it seemed as though we had a lifetime to go.

Hours of struggling over homework, days spent on a field or in a gym, tears shed over a girl or an argument with a friend, voices raised in disagreements, rules broken, nights spent worrying, dollar after dollar after dollar spent on needs and wants, memories made, traditions passed on, clothes outgrown, toys forgotten, hearts broken, mistakes made, medals earned, patches collected, friends made, friends lost, trucks driven and wrecked, futures decided, futures changed, lessons learned.

I blinked.

The closer we got to that finish line, the realer it got.

I blinked.

How did we get here so fast?

I blinked.

I had it all pictured in my mind. Your senior year. Celebrating wins and learning from losses. Smiling through the tears on senior night. Taking pictures on prom. Crying my eyes out as you walk across the stage. One last vacation before the reality of life makes you grow up.

Sometimes things don't happen the way we think they should.

I'm thankful for your school years. I'm thankful for the happy moments, the moments we thought couldn't possibly get worse, the moments that were captured on film, the moments that will be forever etched in our minds, the smiles, the tears, the joy, the pain, & everything in between.

I'm thankful for almost 7 months of a semi normal senior year.

Now, today, July 23, 2020, 4 months after life as we knew it changed, and 2 months after your original graduation date, I'm thankful for an ending for this journey we started 13 years ago.

I'm thankful that even though this is NOTHING like what I pictured or what anyone wanted, we have tried to make the best of it.

Class of 2020, you are destined to be world changers. You go down in history as the Covid-19 class. And while, yes, it sucks on so many levels, keep your heads up & know that every experience you go through makes you who are will become in the future.

Don't blink, your future is waiting!


I blinked. Through the tears, I blinked.

 

Red Brown Yellow Black and White

Unless you have been living under a rock or a deserted island, you know all about how unstable our world is. It's heartbreaking, infuriating, & terrifying. 

Jesus loves the little children

All the children of the world

Red, brown, yellow

Black and white

They are precious in His sight.

Jesus loves the little children

Of the world.

Anybody else grow up singing that song?

I think it's true what they say, what we decided our Senior year in high school, when we went in through the out door. Almost everything we needed to know in life, to really help us get along with others, we learned in Kindergarten.

Anyway...that's a thought for another day! 

My 18 year old son got pulled over the other night. It was after 11pm, he wasn't speeding, or honestly "doing" anything wrong. The police officer pulled him over because he has wild lights on his Jeep. They sometimes have an orange glow, making them look red.

Upon stopping, my son immediately threw both of his hands out the window in full view of the officer because he did have a handgun with him. Thankfully, it was locked & the clip was in a separate location. He told the officer as soon as he approached his car & they discussed it. Thankfully, he was let off with a warning for his lights, was educated about the proper way to carry a gun in a vehicle since he didn't have his concealed carry permit, and was allowed to come home just shortly before midnight.

My son is white.

The officer was white.

We live in a small community in the south, in the Bible belt.

We have good relationships with many emergency personnel.

Happy ending to a possibly scary story that is on repeat in our nation.

After my son told me about it, he also told me about a friend of his that recently had the same thing happen to him.

He went to jail.

He is black.

NOW BEFORE YOU GO JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS...

We only know part of the story. We don't know why this young man was pulled over. We don't know what he said to the officer or what the officer said to him. We don't know ANYTHING about the situation, where the gun was, or if there were any other laws in question.

I'm NOT (can I emphasize that anymore) racist!!! I don't buy into the BLM movement because I fully believe they are an organization that is only concerned with drama, hate, & their personal agenda. No where in that did I say that black lives don't matter! I have black friends, Hispanic friends, mixed friends, white friends, etc that I adore! I have children of all ethnicities at school that I love with everything that I am & will do anything that I possibly can to help them.

But honestly, that's the first place my mind took me. He's black.

That's very uncharacteristic of me. That just proves how much sway the media has over our lives & our minds.

Please STOP giving the media that much power over you!

In the meantime people, keep your hearts open to everyone & keep singing!

Why's It Got to be Like That

Did anybody else's momma teach them that if they didn't have anything nice to say, not to say
anything at all?

Mine sure did. I didn't always listen, but she sure told me. I

And I know I have taught that to my kids. Again, they don't always listen, but I tried.

So, question, have people quit teaching this? Have we quit believing it? Or do we just not care anymore?

I'm all for freedom of speech. Everyone has that right. Say what you want, but there isn't freedom from consequences When your freedom to speak your mind willfully & purposely hurts someone else, that freedom has crossed the line.

We all have different opinions on just about every single topic under the sun. Can we not discuss those topics without trying to make others feel ashamed because they believe differently? We should be able to because that's part of being an adult.

Most people try to avoid "hot topics" while in unsure audiences. But then some throw several word bombs right in the middle & just wait for the explosion. While that's all fine & good as long as every party is being respectful, someone usually starts slinging some mud when they realize they are losing whatever battle they tried to fight.

You love the president, you hate the president. You think he has the greatest ideas ever, you think he's dumb as a rock. Or, you're like most normal people & fall somewhere in between supporting him, but not liking some of his actions.

You go to church, you don't go to church. You tell everyone about your religion, you tell everyone that religion is a joke. You love everyone, you only like people that think & believe like you do.

You only breast feed your children, you have tried every formula invented.

You think public school is dangerous & satanic, you think that homeschoolers are weird & unsocialized.

You believe a woman's body is her own, you believe abortion is murder.

There are so many things that people have always argued about.

We get it, ok, everyone has an opinion & everyone is entitled to it!

Add now to that ever growing list, how you live during a global pandemic.

Seriously, we've heard everything from the Coronavirus is going to kill everyone, to it's just like the flu, to it's a made up conspiracy because it's an election year. We need to shut the country down & shelter in place, we need to open everything back up because the economy is crashing.

We need to stay 6 feet apart & have no more than 10 people in one place, who cares I'm going to have Covid parties so I can boost my immunity. We need to wear masks everywhere we go (including our car), the masks are more likely to harbor germs. We need to wear gloves & sanitize everything, these germs cannot live long on surfaces.

We need to continue to support our community, we don't need to leave our house unless its an emergency. Don't go to the hospital or doctor because it increases your risk of exposure, everyone needs to get tested so we can keep up with the numbers. Buy up all the toilet paper, don't panic buy.

You can't go to church because there are too many people in close quarters, have drive in services. Only have church online, if you're caught at church you will be arrested.

Continue making your children do their schooling online, don't worry about school anymore the grades won't count.

Y'all I feel like I am watching the biggest tennis match ever & my head is spinning. My heart hurts from the continual bickering. Why can't we all just get along?!

We don't have to agree, but can we not at least respect each other. Seriously! Stop being so judgmental & start accepting each other for who we are & what we believe, even when it doesn't line up exactly like you. Stop making others feel guilty for the choices they make regarding themselves & their families.

Nothing but love & positivity here folks! Make the world brighter by your presence, not gloomier!

When Superman's Cape Gets Torn

There's been lots of talk lately about heroes. Not so much super heroes, like Marvel or DC, but everyday people that have become heroes simply by being who they are & by doing what they do. Most of them would argue passionately that they aren't doing anything special & they certainly aren't heroes.

That's part of what makes a hero even more special.

My opinion of heroes has changed over time but a few have remained through it all.

My entire life, I have been a daddy's girl. My daddy has always been a steady rock during the storms of life. He has never met a stranger & he will strike up a conversation with anyone. I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen my daddy angry & I only know of two occasions that a curse words has been uttered from his lips (it had to do with an animal pooping where it shouldn't). He hardly ever missed anything that was important in my life & he continues to support his grandchildren at the majority of their events as well. He was always ready to offer a helping hand to anyone in need. And he still kisses my forehead every time I see him.

My daddy is my hero.

He's better than superman, because he is real & he is mine!

When I was in college, we would go out & people would question if I was his wife. He has always looked young. It wasn't until after my daddy turned 60 that I started noticing he was looking more his age. That was the first time I realized he wouldn't be with me forever. That's a hard thing to deal with.

I talked to him today & he dropped a bombshell on me. He has been diagnosed with Leukemia. He found out in September but because it is considered "low grade", he didn't tell me. He didn't want to worry me. There wasn't any treatment that they wanted to start or any medicine to take so he kept it to himself.

Then about a month ago, he started getting really short of breath. He couldn't go & do like he was used to without getting very tired. He started swelling & he knew something wasn't right.

After numerous doctor's visits, X-rays, CT scans, & ultrasounds, they discovered that he has blood clots in his lungs. This is coming from the Leukemia. He has an upcoming appointment with his oncologist to talk about what to do next.

I feel like I have been punched in the stomach & the rug has been ripped out from underneath me.

I understand that we aren't at the dreaded level that so many others are, but I'm very concerned. My heart hurts at the thoughts of losing my daddy. My head hurts trying to come to terms with this.

We could all really use your prayers right now.

What Day Is It

The days are starting to run together. Without an actual schedule to keep, its hard to remember if its Thursday or if its the 3rd Monday we've had this week.

Some weeks feel like that, Monday, after Monday, after Monday.

It feels like we are on  repeat, school, supper, family time, snacks, bonfires, snacks, naps, take the dog out, snacks, late bed times, binging Netflix & TikTok, snacks, over & over again.

I love spending time with my family, but I thrive on a schedule, on predictability, on organized chaos. I like being busy, having somewhere to go, having something to do. Being NEEDED!

Right now, I feel useless. And tired!

I know my children need me. I know my husband depends on me. But I miss my kids at school! I miss being a part of their lives! I miss supporting them at sporting events! I miss my the teachers, the office ladies, I miss the principals, I miss the custodians, I miss the lunch ladies! I miss adult interaction! I miss the easy camaraderie I have developed with my usual schools.

I'm trying to keep it together, but some days are so much harder than others!

Those weeks that have 3 Mondays, yeah, those are hard.

My emotions are all over the place! I'm sad, confused, concerned. I'm hopeful. I'm disappointed, angry, & frustrated.

I get aggravated at my kids, at the dog, at my husband.

I'm sleep deprived! I've not had a peaceful night's sleep since all this mess started.

I'm bored. I'm tired of reading, social media, & TV.

I cry at random things & for absolutely no reason.

I want to scream. I want to throw things.

I want to return to normal. I want to go back to a time when Covid 19 didn't exist & didn't change the whole world. I want to be needed again! I want to make a difference!

I know that God has a plan & I'm trying really hard to hold to that! I'm trying to just be still, to find peace in this storm, & to let Him carry us through to the next step in His plan!

But some days are hard!  When the days run on together, it seems harder.

Is it Monday ... Again?

Blessing Ninja

I've always liked ninjas, haven't you?

They wear all black, have really fancy gadgets, usually come with cool theme music, & know how to take care of business. Most of the time they get in & get out without batting an eye or without someone else knowing, except for the occasional fight, but that's not important right now.

There's several "Blessing" groups on Facebook right now. The idea is to make a wish list of stuff you want or need from Amazon & then someone else buys it for you. You in turn, buy for other people as well. Kinda like an ongoing online shower. The concept is really neat & I'm a part of a couple of them. We also play online games, offer prayer requests, & get to know new people.

Let's be honest, most of the things on the lists are wants, not needs, & that's fine. Sometimes you NEED a few wants, it keeps us feeling normal. Lord knows we need normal right now.

I have nothing against these groups! They are bringing hope to weary mommas, smiles to children who have missed out of birthday parties, supplies for teachers trying to prepare for when they return to their classrooms, necessities for college kids looking forward to a new adventure, snacks & crafts to people who are bored at home, prayers & virtual hugs to those having a hard time. It's a nightlight in the darkness right now.

But what about those that are barely making it right now? How can they even think about buying novelties for someone else when they are out of milk and toilet paper?

Maybe some of you want to bless someone, and you have the extra money, but you don't want to spend it on someone you don't know. Maybe some of you don't know how to bless others. Maybe some of you are already being a blessing to those around you.

You know the best part about blessing others? The blessing! Not the selfies at the homeless shelter, not the Instagram posts showing you picking up trash on the side of the road, not the college applications listing all your volunteer hours. The blessing is the best part!

This goes back to my thoughts on ninjas.

Whatever you choose to do to bless others, do it without the fanfare, the praise, or the audience. Pray about who to bless & how. Then as you get ready to be a blessing, pray FOR them. Be a blessing ninja! It's so much more fun seeing their smiles when they have no clue who made them smile!

Happy Blessings!

Class of 2020 - COVID 19 Roller Coaster Edition

Senior Year... it's a time of joy, anticipation, worry, stress, excitement, sadness, & gratitude. You cannot pin just one emotion on one of the biggest years of a young person's life.

It's a roller coaster of ups & downs, highs & lows, dizzying spins, & breathe taking drops. And just like a roller coaster, before you get on it, you have to wait. You wait through crowds of long lines watching the people in front of you, listening to their own excitement & concerns. You watch the people waiting behind you, they sometimes wish they were closer to the front of the line like you are. You watch the people who finally board the ride. Their faces, their squeals, their tears. Then its finally your turn, you climb aboard, get buckled in as best you can, & try to calm your nerves as you realize, it's here, it's finally my turn, there's no backing out now. You take off... then in the blink of an eye, the ride is pulling back into the station. It's over. It's hard to believe, but its over. All that waiting, watching, & anticipating, & now it's over. You did it. You exit the ride,  look back, & see the next passengers that are climbing aboard. They are taking the very seat that you just occupied. They are getting buckled in & getting ready for their long awaited ride. You are now a part of an elite group who can say I did it! I rode that ride! You can share your experience, your emotions, your concerns with fellow riders & with those who haven't gotten to ride yet.

This year started out just as every other senior year before. Ballgames, Homecoming, pep rallys, concerts, favorite teachers, classes you dread, spirit week, preparation for your graduation project, working a job, hanging out with friends, deciding what you want to do after graduation, applying for college, filling out scholarships, making plans for senior week, buying the perfect prom dress, barely holding back the tears during senior night, doing "your thing" for the very last time,

then ... BAM ... brick wall!

What. Just. Happened.

You get two weeks off & it's not Spring Break yet. It's not even holiday related. Well, hey, that's cool... I guess.

Then everyone starts talking about the possibility of school as we know it actually being canceled.

How is that even possible?

Those 2 weeks turn into 4 more, you try to keep up online with your assignments, you Zoom with your teachers, you try to find a job to help support your family, you reconsider your college plans, you miss your friends,  & you start to worry. What is going on?

Then, the inevitable happens. SCHOOL. IS. CANCELED.

We all knew it was coming, but it still hurts the heart! Life as we know it is completely upside down.

This was your year! This was your time!

The roller coaster has broken down & you are still strapped in. You can see the end up ahead. You know its there, but your stuck. That last steep hill, that last loop de loop is just out of your reach. You missed it! Everyone else got to enjoy the full ride, but here comes the proper authorities & they're helping you unbuckle & climb out. They are ushering you back down to the ground as safely as they can. You are thankful for their help, but you can't help to look back up at the ride & wonder what might have been.

Seniors, I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry! This year hasn't been exactly what you thought it would be. You are missing out on so many milestones & my heart breaks for you!

Spring sports, prom, graduation, senior skip day, & countless other final memories, all gone in the blink of an eye.

Class of 2020 - you were born during a huge time of uncertainty in the wake of the September 11 terrorist attacks, you have lived through an ongoing war on terror, you have faced many challenges & upsetting events, & now you are finishing high school during a global pandemic unlike anything we've ever experienced before. If you've made it this far, you are amazing. I applaud you. I pray for you. And I believe in you. You can do anything you set your minds to.

Class of 2020 - It's been one heck of a ride! A ride you will never forget. And more than likely, a ride that will not be duplicated.

Happy 18th Birthday Austin

I can't believe that this day is actually here!

My oldest son, the one who made me a momma, is 18!

It is such a bittersweet day. My emotions have literally been all over the place.

I am so proud of who you are becoming. I love the memories we have made. I'm excited for the paths that are laid out before you. I worry about the decisions you now have to make on your own. I'm sad that your childhood has come to an end.

Today was supposed to be a big day. It's technically Spring Break & we had plans! For years now, you have talked about wanting a tattoo. My response has always been "when you are 18 & pay for it yourself". You've had the perfect one picked out for months, you've been saving your money, & you even convinced me to go with you!

You were going to hang out with friends over the weekend. We were going to throw a big party & celebrate this milestone!

But life throws curveballs & sometimes things don't go how we want them to.

Instead, we ate supper as a family, cried together because you couldn't go see your friends & you blew out candles off of a homemade cake.

Life is certainly different than what we could have ever imagined it would be right now, but you have the whole world ahead of you & I can't wait to see the mountains you are going to conquer next!

The Twilight Zone - Covid 19 Edition

It's April Fool's Day.

We are in the middle of a global pandemic. All major sporting events have been cancelled. Schools have been put on hold. The majority of people that can, are now working from home. Grocery stores are out of toilet paper, hand sanitizer, Lysol, & canned goods. Churches have shut their doors & are now online.

Families are separated. Kids cannot go see their friends. Public parks are closed to the public.

Unemployment is high & morale is low.

The government has told us to shelter at home, self quarantine, & not go anywhere unless its absolutely necessary.

We are watching China, Italy, New York, & numerous other cities. We are watching & waiting. We are worrying & praying. We are scared, anxious, & even angry.

We have had basic freedoms taken away.

Doctors don't have the answers. The government is grasping for straws. The president is being roasted alive every single time he holds a briefing with the latest information.

Essential employees are working longer hours. They are required to wear masks & gloves, being asked to completely disrobe before they ever enter their homes so they don't possibly infect anyone else.

Today is April Fool's Day.

Does anyone else feel like this is one of the cruelest jokes the universe has ever played?

Does anyone else wish that someone, anyone, would jump out from behind the bushes & scream "Gotcha"?

I feel like we are in the strangest episode of The Twilight Zone ever created.

The New Super Hero

Who doesn't love a good super hero tale?

We grew up idolizing Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman. We watched The Incredible Hulk & Captain America. We played with action figures & colored pictures of our heroes. We all pretended we could fly & good would always prevail over evil.

All too soon, we gave up our days of fantasy. We learned the difference between real & make believe. We still thought good would prevail over evil. And we started looking up to athletes, movie stars, & musicians.

As we grew even more, we made real life decisions. We chased the dollar more than happiness. We respected businessmen, professionals, & our parents once again. We questioned if there was anyway that good could always win.

Our heroes have certainly changed over the years. From the ones pulled from the depths of our imagination to the more realistic ones resembling the people we know. Heroes come in all shapes and forms.

Recently, our views of heroes have shifted once again.

As we all take shelter safe at home, we look up to those essential workers. Those front liners that risk possible exposure every single time they show up for work. We hope & we pray that once again good can prevail over evil.

Doctors, nurses, CNAs, paramedics, all medical field personnel that try to heal the sick.

Teachers, principals, lunch ladies, office staff that work tirelessly so our children don't fall behind.

Grocery workers, truck drivers, garbage men, plumbers, mail carriers that continue with their day to day jobs so that our world doesn't completely shut down.

Moms & dads who are temporarily unemployed, stuck at home with crying babies, hungry teenagers, rambunctious elementary kids, trying to entertain, teach, feed, & reassure their families that everything is ok.


Everyone else out there, trying to continue with what appears to be our new normal. Trying to hold their emotions in check & be there for the people who need them most. We salute you. We thank you. We are indebted to you.



The regular everyday Joe has quickly become the face of our new super hero. Even if that face is hidden behind a different type of mask.

I've always known that not all super heroes wore capes. Its just been made a lot more real lately.

An Open Letter to the Sport that Changed our Lives

Dear Wrestling,

Thank you. Thank you for allowing my family to be a part of something bigger than we are. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the heartbreak. Thank you for the friends we've made along the way. Thank you for showing us that some friendships aren't truly friendships when its just the two of you on that mat. Thank you for proving that some friendships are
stronger than who's hand gets raised. Thank you for dreams that come true. Thank you for the lessons learned.

When we started this journey 6 years ago (wow, has it only been 6 years, it feels like so much more), I never dreamed how important you would become in our lives. When my 106 pound 7th grader slammed the door after practice one day mid season saying he wanted to quit, I never thought our relationship would continue. We've never quit anything so he endured until the end, but it didn't matter to me either way if he chose to see you again. He had an ok season with more losses than wins and was granted the most improved wrestler award. We tried something new, it wasn't our favorite, and that is ok.


But our relationship did continue. He put on 15 pounds in that first month post season, was happy because he could eat again, and came back as a stronger 126 pound 8th grader. He learned that 2 raspberry doughnuts the night before a match will make you be 4 ounces overweight. He never missed weight again, no matter what it cost him. He had a stellar season, taking down opponent after opponent, until the conference championship. He learned that 6 consecutive backthrows will wear you out and bring the whole gym to its feet. And even if you lose by 3 points, you have the satisfaction of being a part of the best match of the tournament. He received the most valuable award, made a long term friend, & I was a proud momma.


We trained tirelessly through the off season. Practice, tournaments, medals, the top of the podium. It felt good & we started thinking that we liked this sport called wrestling.






Freshman year found him 6 pounds heavier and completely in awe at how the competition changed. That's ok, it just meant he had to work harder. He learned that you have to keep fighting until
the very last second even when you're down by 4 against a senior, because all you need is 12 seconds, a reversal, & back points to win & surprise everyone. He learned what fighting through the pain meant when he suffered a 2nd degree AC tear at Regionals and refused to stop or forfeit the remainder of his matches that day. He learned you can always go to the hospital when its over with. He earned the coach's award that year and realized that 2nd place at AAU States isn't bad for a freshman. And we started thinking.


He put on a few more pounds Sophomore year to weigh in at 138 and learned that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't beat this one local rockstar, but he could finally go toe to toe with him after two years without getting pinned. He learned that some matches will almost always result in needing a police escort and some fans just suck. He learned that 6th in the Region wasn't what he wanted. His teammates voted him to receive the Cardinal award. He returned to AAU States with 2nd place again and we started thinking... maybe there really is a future here.


He returned as a much more confident 145 pound Junior who had
absolutely fallen in love with you. He had a passion that would not be denied. He was a leader, an example, and a teacher. He learned that unfortunately, those certain fans still suck, sometimes friendships cannot overcome that, his momma is always in his corner fighting with him, and his papa has a temper. He learned that your 100th win as a Junior is amazing. He learned that being the Conference Champion, being named the #1 seed in the region and #3 seed in the state is sweet, but the stats don't always reflect the outcome and fighting through the blood round at Regionals is brutal. But oh the relief of placing 3rd at Regionals and having the chance to compete on the state level.

We took 4 to the State tournament last year. We had all been to big tournaments before, but to be able to even witness this level of competition was mind blowing. It was exciting, it was inspiring, and it was scary. Three Juniors and a Sophomore ready to take on the world. We learned the true meaning of the spotlight last year, as the weekend went on and we had the only two wrestlers left competing for hardware in the county. We learned that the parade of champions will make you cry & you will never hear We Are the Champions the same way again. We learned that its entirely possible to be physically sick from nerves. We learned the fastest way to the local hospital after landing on your head and neck and not being able to squeeze your coach's hand. We learned that 2nd

place in all the State is not a bad place to be. We learned that true friends will take a picture with you
in the hospital, neck brace and all, because you didn't get to stand on the podium. Hey, that picture looks pretty cool in the yearbook too. He realized that its ok to take a break and we really started thinking about college.



Over the summer, that upcoming Senior fought to remain at 145 pounds. He learned that JRob Intensive Camp is a beast. He learned what it was like to be over 7 hours from home for 2 weeks and realized even though he's growing up, he still gets homesick. He learned that sometimes, no matter how hard he tries, his body will not cooperate, will catch every sickness going around, and will shut down completely. He learned what sheer exhaustion was.




Before the season ever started this year, we learned the excitement of getting scouted. We learned that all the effort and hard work was paying off. We learned that dreams do come true and we learned he could have a home in Bristol, TN if he wanted it.

This year, my Senior learned that the spotlight isn't as pretty when it shines brightest on you. As an unknown Junior, he came out of nowhere to place 2nd in State. As a returning Senior, all eyes were on him, waiting and watching, picking apart the successes and failures. He learned that some matches just aren't yours to win. He learned that its a harder struggle to lose with grace and dignity than it looks. He learned that some refs are biased and make wrong calls, that sometimes luck wins out, yes, those same fans, plus many more, still suck, and that his daddy will fight for him, even if they both get suspended. He learned that people are going to talk about you, no matter what. He learned that
injuries can decide a period, a match, or a season. He learned the heartache that one bad move can allow the 5th seed to beat the 1st seed and win the Conference. He learned that talk is cheap. He learned that far too many matches are won or lost in the last seconds. He learned that his momma will cry her eyes out after a heart stopping match on the side of the mat without caring who's around her. He learned that 2nd in the Region with a return trip to State is just as sweet as it was the first time.

Unfortunately, my family had to learn the heartache of choosing between two equally important events and I had just watched my last wrestling match in person. I would have to watch the State Tournament via live stream while on a trip with my daughter. I was devastated.

We took our only two Seniors back to state this year and what a duo they are. Those two have had each other's backs since day one. They have fought beside each other in karate at 5 years old. They have battled beside each other for 12 years of football. They have coached, cheered, encouraged, and cried beside each other for 6 years of wrestling. How very fitting that these two finished out the year, the season, and their careers with the same color medal. Silver doesn't shine as brightly as gold, but it ain't dull by no means. That duo, for the 2nd year in a row, placed higher than anyone else in the county. That duo is nothing short of amazing! And we learned that the parade of champions still makes you cry, even harder when one of your best friends is walking along side of you.


I'll be perfectly honest, going into Senior year, just the thoughts of Senior night made me anxious. I thought I would be a basket case. But I developed a love hate relationship with you this year, wrestling. Oh how I loved you, how I loved watching my son do what he loved to do. How I got just as nervous as he did, how I moved right along side of him trying to help him get out of sticky situations. How my heart pounded for however much time of those six minutes he needed, and how I was physically sick when it took longer than six minutes. But oh the pressure. The pressure was physically crushing this year like it has never been before. The pain I saw as his body took a beating. The disappointment I saw in him as he relived every single mistake. The anger when he thought things didn't go the way they should have. The fear of letting everyone down. The sorrow of realizing its over. The uncertainty of what comes next.

Now that his high school career is over, he's made a very adult decision. Even though he worked hard enough to accomplish his dream of continuing with you in college, he's decided that its time to go your separate ways. He has hung up his shoes. He has left everything he has on the mat for the very last time and can walk away with his head held high knowing it was a life changing experience.


So wrestling, I thank you. I thank you for helping turn my son into a man. I thank you for teaching us that some of the most important lessons in life don't come from the top of the podium. I thank you for the joy you have brought me and the tears you have cost me. You have shaped this whole family more than you will ever know. It's been an amazing ride and I wouldn't change the twists and turns for anything.


Sincerely,

A Grateful Wrestling Mom

Come to the Table

"Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. 

Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight in fatness.

Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near."

Isaiah 55:1,2,6

On this New Year's morning, the bright and shiny day of a new year, a new decade even, the tears came fast and free as I read my devotional.

The past couple of days have been great at my house. We haven't had any real plans. We haven't been rushing from one place to another. We have had time to sit down at our table (yes, I really have one when it's not covered with stuff), eat supper, and enjoy family time. With 3 different practice schedules, a full time job, a part time job with hours that are more full time than part, 2 coaching jobs, plus 2 teenagers that have plans of their own, those days are few and far between. 

When life gets so crazy hectic, the guilt really sets in. I worry if they are enjoying their childhood. I worry that its all too much. I worry if I have done enough, or taught enough, or loved enough.

With our busyness, too often I neglect the house, family dinners, bedtime stories, the 3rd grader's homework, my personal needs, writing, God, too many things to list. And of course, I don't have anything to cook for breakfast, so its frozen waffles...again.

Then I read this devotional that I've been enjoying by an equally busy mom of 4 boys and it pierces my heart the way good things so often do.

"Today, Jesus invited me to come to His table. Come and eat, He wants to fill me up, yet I have this lingering doubt, Do you really want just me? I don't have much to offer...I should really bring something...earn my place at your table. I scrape together a chocolate dirt and worms pudding pie full of excuses, I'm sorrys and should haves. I bring along a list of what I think I got right and how I'm trying so hard. It's the best I could do amidst the hurriedness of life. 

Arriving, I'm embarrassed to see I am His only guest. There is a table full of my favorites laid out before me as a reminder of how well He knows my heart. Then Jesus himself serves me. The main course of truth with a side of grace and oh-so-sweet bread of life lathered in love. I set my dirt and worms pie off to the side realizing my effort wasn't needed, He just wanted me to enjoy dinner on the house."

I'm so thankful that Jesus doesn't place the same expectations on my life that I do. I'm so thankful that even though I think I have failed far more than I could have possibly succeeded, He is still there, waiting, with His table set beautifully just for me.

*devotion from The Shadow of My Porch Swing*