Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Face in the Mirror

As I was cooking supper tonight, it weighed on me like a ton of bricks. The monotony of day in & day out.

I had tried to get a little nap in earlier only to be continuously alerted to the sounds of a door slamming, little feet stomping, & a 4 wheeler buzzing past the window. Just as I resolved to give up on the effort to sleep & instead just relax & read for a few minutes, I hear BOOM, followed shortly by muffled cries from the baby be woken early from his nap.

Can I not get a moments peace around here? Must I always have little ones being loud & demanding? What happened to my hopes, my dreams, my needs?

Justin was outside with Austin & Makenzie doing something on the farm. So of course, Logan cried while I was cooking because he was sleepy & hungry. I tried something to drink. I tried a snack. I talked. I laughed. I made funny faces. But, no, he was not in the mood. What he was in the mood for was to fuss & pull leaves off my plants & rake handfuls of dirt into the floor & turn over the large picture frame screen which of course scared me & him to death.

Yet another event with me completely frazzled.

We were supposed to go sing at a friend's revival, but I just couldn't face it. Every single evening event breeds dread in me. Since Logan gets sleepy so early, any event after dark is rough on him. I would be just as happy to stay home than to deal with trying to keep him entertained & happy. Why bother, when I can just let him go on to sleep in the peacefulness of his bed?

So, yes, I stayed home. I felt completely useless & alone. I felt like I had given the devil yet another victory in stealing my joy.

Then, I checked my email & found this. And I am reminded again that I am not alone. I am blessed beyond measure. And I have the victory in the end.

These days will pass all too quickly & one day, I will look around & wonder where they went.
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