Christmas Isn't Always Merry

For the 2nd morning in a row, I have woke up around 4am. Yesterday, I tried my best to ignore it. I laid in the bed tossing & turning. I even managed to doze off a few times. But I sure was in a bad mood when I finally got up. I don't take kindly to lack of sleep.

Then again this morning. I laid in bed for a little while, but this time, my mind was running wide open. All of a sudden, I had 2 or 3 people that I just could not get out of my head. God was wanting my attention & my prayers.

I planned on getting up early anyway so I could be ready for Christmas before the kids woke up. I just hadn't planned on that early.

While I was praying for these people, more & more names & faces came to mind. An overwhelming sadness drifted across my heart at the empty places that will be in homes this morning - children, parents, brother, sisters, grandparents, friends. No doubt far too many of those missing loved ones have presents wrapped under a tree.

Each & every one of us have experienced grief in our lives & no doubt will suffer through more before our time on earth is over.

While you take extra time to embrace your kids, spouses, & loved ones, please continue to pray for those staring at empty places. Those holes left in our hearts have a hard time being repaired.

God bless you & yours on this blessed Christmas morning!

Remembering Sandy Hook Elementary

I am writing this post more for myself than anyone else. I know that everyone has seen these stories & poems. I wanted a special place to have them all together for future remembrance.

December 14, 2012 is yet another day that will go down in American infamy. Too many tragic events mar the timeline in American history. Its a shame that evil is so prevalent in our society today.

Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Ct will now forever be remembered as the place where 20 kindergarten children & 6 teachers were mercilessly gunned down. The media is relentless in their airing of this senseless act of violence. Everything from encouraging words, to those precious angels' faces, to conspiracy theories, to gun control are all anyone can discuss right now.

I don't mind the news coverage. In fact I find it hard to turn away when its on TV. But I can't help but wonder if this somehow desensitizes America to violence.

We must never get to the point where murder, evil, & violence become second nature to us!

This poem by Cameo Smith brought tears to my eyes.

"Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38

when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.

Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.

They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.

They were filled with such joy; they didn't know what to say.

They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

“Where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as ...a mouse.

“This is heaven" declared a small boy. "We’re spending Christmas at God's house”.

When what to their wondering eyes did appear,

but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.

Then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring

those children all flew into the arms of their King

and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,

one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

And as if He could read all the questions she had

He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad.

“Then He looked down on earth, the world far below

He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe,

then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,

“Let My power and presence re-enter this land!

“May this country be delivered from the hands of fools”

“I’m taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!

“Then He and the children stood up without a sound.

“Come now my children let me show you around.

“Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.

All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,

“in the midst of this darkness,” I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

Max Lucado's "A Christmas Prayer" reminds us that darkness is not a new thing.

"Dear Jesus,

It's a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.

These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.

The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. Ticked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?

Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod's jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.

Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.

Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won't you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.

This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.

Hopefully,

Your Children"

A True Celebration

As I looked in the mirror this morning, the first thing that I noticed was my swollen puffy eyes & I was thankful for them.

You see, my eyes are swollen from a very emotional day yesterday. I had the honor of attending the most beautiful funeral I have ever seen. Yes, funerals are sad occasions, BUT they hold so much promise in them. If you are a child of God, this is not "good bye", its only "see you in the morning."

I can honestly say that I have never witnessed a funeral quite like this. Yes, there were tears, but there was also rejoicing, testifying, & people begging for sinners to be saved.

This dear man & his wife have been huge influences on me throughout the years. I enjoyed many hours in their home & under their leadership. Their daughter was one of my best friends growing up. And even though I haven't seen them as often as I would like recently, they have never been far from my heart.

The tears started flowing the moment I walked into the church and though they aren't a steady stream, they are bubbling up just under the surface even now. As I hugged Daniel, and he thanked me for coming, I told him that I wouldn't have missed this home going for anything. Amanda & I just fell into each others arms & I reminded her of our childhood joke "the 3 hairs on top of the shiny head of my Diddy". We just cried.

Then there was Mary, sweet Mary. Always smiling, always gracious. She embraced me and said "my precious Tracie" and told me how undeserving she was of my admiration. She then took a few minutes to encourage me to always support my husband in his ministry and remind me just how blessed I was to be a pastor's wife.

Can you believe it???? This new widow is encouraging me!! Isn't it supposed to be the other way around???

Well, if you know Mary, it's no surprise. When I picture the Proverbs 31 woman, I see Mary! I know she is not perfect, but she is just about as close as one can get on this earth.

Thinking back down through the years, I have many fond memories of Larry, Mary, Amanda, & Daniel. Church trips, sleep overs, haunted houses, hide & seek, passing notes when we should be paying attention, jumping on the trampoline late at night, boys, birthday parties, Carowinds, dances, weddings, & words upon words of wisdom.

I was on the phone with Amanda when her bedroom lamp exploded & she freaked out because she just knew her house was haunted. We weren't even teenagers yet.

I remember just how hard Amanda took it when Mary surrendered to God's will by only wearing skirts. She thought we would never get to go to Carowinds again.

I remember how Daniel used to aggravate us to no end. But that's what little brothers are for.

I remember being scared to death of their dog. We would always wait until he wasn't around and then run for our lives.

I remember thinking how intimidating Larry always looked when he was in uniform, but then I was one of the ones lucky enough to know he was actually a teddy bear with a heart of gold. I loved hearing him preach but I could never sympathize with being a preacher's kid.

Mary called me a few years ago after I sent her a gift that wasn't worth anything of monetary value. We talked for what seemed like hours. She was the one who told me how proud she was of me for homeschooling my children. She has always been the one to tell me to follow God, support my husband, & love my babies.

I could sit here forever telling stories of how much this family has meant to me.

It never really dawned on me that these saints were getting older. I wish that could have spent a few more hours with Larry before he died. I hope to be able to sit down and spend time with Mary soon. She has so much more to teach me.

Yesterday, I wasn't crying because death had claimed another life. I was rejoicing over a saint getting promoted. I was reminiscing many happy hours spent in love. I was concerned over an empty place at the dinner table & a huge hole left in hearts. I was also somewhat envious of Larry sitting at our savior's feet. I was curious to see who would be willing to take up his mantle & run for our Lord.