Yes, I Think That's Enough Now

I remember winter from my childhood. I remember it snowing all day & all night & all day again. I remember waiting gleefully to find out that school was canceled. Then I remember getting bundled up, spending all day playing with the neighborhood kids, sledding down hills, hiding under the pine trees in a winter castle, building snowmen big enough to sit on, & eating tomato soup with grilled cheese to warm up.

I loved winter when I was a child!

Over the past few years, I've really started paying attention to winter again. I noticed that the winters of my childhood don't seem to exist anymore. Most recent winters were somewhat mild. Oh some had a few days that were downright frigid, but for the most part, they were chilly at best.

Snow? It seemed to be the thing that dreams & memories were made of, at least here in western North Carolina. Sure, plenty of counties surrounding mine could relish in the white stuff. But it seemed there was a perpetual hole sitting right over top of us. Or better yet, a dome shielding us from any real winter weather.

There are a few winters that stand out in my head. The Blizzard of 93 when there was snow on my birthday (March 30). I had just broken my ankle a few weeks before in softball. I was too cool as a Freshman to wear jogging pants & refused to allow anyone to cut my jeans, so I hobbled around on crutches through the snow in shorts. February 1996, my senior year presented the most ice I can ever remember. We were out of school more or less the whole month, with usually only a day here & there that wold warm up enough to ensure safe travels. Valentine's weekend 2003 produced 2.5 feet of snow. The most I have EVER seen.....oh wait, we were in New Jersey on vacation then! I never would have imagined having to shovel my car out of the snow while on vacation.

Now the winter of 2014 will be added to that list.

We experienced multiple "polar vortexes" where the temperature plummeted to hover around 0* with wind chill factors being much colder! This is the first time I ever recall school being canceled, not just once, but several times due to the temperature alone.




Smowmageddon was aptly named when at least 16 inches (more in many places) fell in a short amount of time just before Valentines's weekend here in Western NC. My husband spent many countless hours scraping snow. I was stuck inside with my youngest child as he battled first the croup & then strep throat. My older two, who were so excited at first, eventually didn't even want to go outside because it was more trouble than it was worth.

Then just a few weeks later, as the weather channel predicts "just a dusting" with freezing rain to follow. BAM Snowmagaddon 2.0 (named just for the fun of it) produces 6+ inches. And again, this snow fell as my family was recovering from illness.

So, after this, I'm not really reminiscing winters of yesteryear.

This was my Facebook post this morning.....

Dear Mother Nature, 

I love snow. I love warm breezy days. I like blistering hot days in moderation. I even like the rain. Really I do. But I've just got to tell you that I don't appreciate your schizophrenic mentality. I'm not sure what Father Time did to make you so mad, but I do wish that the two of you would kiss & make up. The rest of us should not have to suffer.

Sincerely,
A Very Confused North Carolinian 

P.S. That 60+ weather you are cooking up for tomorrow & next week, feel free to allow that to hang around for a long time!

Bring on SPRING!

The Fall of an American Hero

It hit me a little harder yesterday. The history. The battles. The joy. The pain. The sadness. The life.

Papa Roscoe's 90th Birthday 9-9-12

As I walked down the hall, I tried to smile. I tried to offer encouragement to those around me. I tried not to think about how bleak it all looked.

When I got to the door, I stopped short. I appreciated the flag placed outside the door next to his name, but it made me sad. The colorful cards, the thank you's written in that bright playful sloppy hand writing that can only belong to a child, did little to lighten up the room.

Logan's 2nd Birthday Party 6-13

When I entered the room, those light blue eyes that have seen so many things in the past 91 years, brightened up just a little bit. The laugh lines etched in his weathered face deepened from the surprise visit of his oldest grandbaby and youngest great-grandbaby.

Logan's 2nd Birthday Party 6-13

It was hard on me to see my once strong, independent grandfather sitting in that wheel chair in his private room at the nursing home. Its hard to hold onto those hands that have been calloused over time and again from mending fencing and working in the garden. Its hard hearing that rough voice that for more years than I can count, called to cows every evening at feeding time. Its hard knowing that this man is the one & the same who once stormed the beaches of Normandy during World War II 69 years ago.

Christmas 1989

After a recent urinary tract infection and short stay in the hospital, Papa needs therapy to build his strength back up. I'm not sure how long he will be there, but I can't help but wonder if this will become his permanent home. This was the same nursing home where my grandmother spent some of her last days 11 years ago. You can see that those memories are still haunting him.

50th Wedding Anniversary 1996

Unfortunately, I had to leave all too soon. I leaned down, hugged his neck, & told him I loved him. His response, as always was "yeah". I don't think I have ever heard him tell anyone he loved them, but we all know he does.

I managed to make it out of his room before the tears started falling.

Today, November 11, 2013 is Veteran's Day. I am thankful for both of my grandfathers, my uncle, my daddy, & countless others who have served, fought, & died to provide a better place for me, my children, & one day, my children's children. I am thankful today & everyday for those who so bravely stood up for a cause they were willing to die for.

Happy Birthday Austin

Saturday April 13, 2002 at 7:24pm, my life changed dramatically! Austin Dale Bauguess came screaming into the world. He was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I cried with relief, nervousness, & terror as I laughed with joy, wonder, & amazement at this tiny little baby on my chest.

I was clueless!

I thought I would have it all together. I thought I would be the perfect mom. I thought I would know what to do in any situation. Man, was I wrong!!

It didn't take me long to figure this out either. But somehow, I have managed to keep him relatively safe for 10 years..... Yes, I just said 10 years!

When did that happen? I feel almost like Rip Van Winkle. It seems that these years have passed by without me realizing it.

My chubby little buddy who would scream if we quit feeding him & loved to ride 4 wheelers & go fishing is now my very handsome, almost too skinny young man who barely takes enough time to eat & still loves to ride 4 wheelers & dirt bikes & go fishing. In fact, Austin spent the biggest part of his birthday fishing with his daddy.

I am proud of the person he is growing up to be (please remind me of that when we are having "one of those days")! He loves to tinker around & build things. He has a huge imagination. He is passionate about his chickens & is a great help around the farm! He still loves serving God.

Some memories I cherish, some things I wish I had done differently, some days I would like to relive, but all in all, its been a good 10 years!

Now if I can just figure out how to slow down the next 10 years!

New Year = New Beginning

As 2011 drew to a close, I found myself reminiscing on all the adventure & sometimes, lack there of, from this past year. It was an amazing but stressful year. Austin passed his 1st state tests as a homeschooler with FLYING colors. Makenzie graduated PreK. Logan was born & has experienced lots of firsts & milestones. I survived shuttling 2 kids between 2 different sports teams during 2 different seasons. We muddled through our first attempt at teaching 2 different school levels. We've seen new babies born, and we've had old friends take their last breath. We've laughed, we've cried, we've seen times of prosper & times of famine. We've experienced God's mercy & grace first hand on a daily basis. We are blessed far beyond what we deserve!

I read back over my post from last year & I have accomplished some things that I set out to.  I still need to work on some things & I want to make 2012 even better. When you want something, you just keep on keeping on until you get it!

I want a healthier me! Physically, mentally, spiritually. Yes, I need to lose weight & get in better shape, but more importantly I need to make life changes. I need to eat better. I need to drink more water. I need to get more exercise. I need to relax more. I need to not take things so seriously. I need to enjoy life more. I need to play more. I need to pray more. I need to read study my Bible more. I need to take a few minutes just for me from time to time. I need to SLOW DOWN!

I want a happier family! There has been entirely too much tension within my home lately. I miss the hugs, kisses, tickles, & giggles. I miss snuggling on the couch. I miss reading as a family for fun. I miss days at the park. I miss sit down meals. I miss actual conversation.

  

I also realized something when I went out with a close friend the other night. Sometimes, even when there are other things that need to be done, even when there are better ways to spend the few extra dollars I have, even when I shouldn't be eating pasta & drinking Mr. Pibb (they didn't have Mt. Dew!), I NEED to splurge, I NEED let go, have fun, & be a silly girl! After all, life is too short to wear sensible shoes!

Could the Magic REALLY be Gone?

I just LOVE Christmas, don't you! Everyone is a little nicer, everything is bright & shiny, Christmas Carols, Christmas cookies & candy, Christmas movies, families getting together, street corner Santas everywhere you look. There is just something magical about Christmas time.

And then......the magic fades away..... 

We've been waiting for, dreading, the time when the kids stopped believing in Santa. Austin hasn't actually admitted he doesn't believe anymore, but, he sure has hinted at it.

Justin was talking to him the other day & it sounded like he was scared not to believe anymore. Austin said that he didn't think his cousins believed anymore.

Then we were watching The Elf on the Shelf video & he leaned over & whispered to me "You know those elves aren't REAL, don't you?"....

Oh, I'm NOT ready for this!

At least I still have the other 2!

.......So I had to add a link after a friend sent this to me! Its such a beautiful way of explaining the truth! Truth About Santa

The Feet of the Servant

Throughout our lives, we are continually learning from our surroundings, our situations, & other people. Sometimes we are willing to learn while at others we are not so eager. Still there are other times when we learn without even realizing it - these are usually my favorite because the "lesson" tends to stick with you longer.

Yesterday was Easter. We had an early morning SONrise service followed by breakfast at the fellowship hall. Then we had preaching and communion service. Well, we had a little extra time between eating breakfast & the start of preaching, so all the kids took off to play. When it was almost time for church to start up again, Justin went looking for Makenzie.

She wasn't hard to find. She was playing in the nursery, which wasn't uncommon, but that's not all of the story. What really stood out to me was the fact that not only was she playing quietly in the floor, but she was playing at the feet of our pastor as he studied for the upcoming message. Oh, how I wish I could have gotten a picture of that!!!

This scene caused a flood of emotions within me. First, I am so thankful that my children have the privilege to sit & learn under the same man of God that I learned from as a child. Secondly, how often do we take for granted & ignore those precious grey haired saints that are more than willing to teach us something? Third, how similar is this to the reality of one day sitting at the feet of Jesus?

I have had the honor of having Fellman Cheek as my pastor for the majority of my life. No, I haven't always enjoyed some of his preaching, especially when I was a teenager. As I have gotten older, I've realized that everything he has ever said has been in love. I have learned so much under his preaching & teaching. And personally, I have never met any person closer to God than he is. I don't say that to lift him up on a pedestal, but I say it to give God the glory through Fellman's life.

When I was younger, I thought I knew it all. I had all the answers & could handle anything that came my way. Boy, did I have a lot to learn! As I have gotten older, I have realized just how little I really know or understand. I wish that I would have taken more time to listen to those around me that are visibly older & certainly wiser than I could ever hope to be. If you still have the honor of a grandparent that is still alive - take the time to get to know them. I mean, REALLY get to know them. They have a lot to say if only someone is willing to listen.

We are all the children of God. As we become saved & trust Him with our lives, He longs for us to sit at His feet while He teaches us. God loves us more than we could ever imagine & He wants to give us our hearts desire. We just have to be willing to turn to Him.

When was the last time that you realized you didn't have all the answers? When was the last time you took the time to listen to someone wiser than you? What about the last time that you sat content at the feet of a true servant of God? When was the last time you were willing to sit at the Master's feet?

Let's Go Fishing

When I was little, I can remember my grandpa taking me fishing. I loved this time with him. Yes, I was a little girly & wouldn't bait the hook or take the fish off, but still, these are some of my fondest memories of him.

I still love to go fishing. Nope, I still don't take the fish off of the hook (I could - I just CHOOSE not to! lol), but I do put my own bait on now .... sometimes. Unfortunately, I don't get to go fishing as much as I would like now that I am all grown up. But it sure does bring back memories when I do take the opportunity to indulge in this pleasure from my childhood. There's something relaxing & free about sitting on the side of a river bank with a fishing rod in your hand. I can just imagine: a couple of friends down by the river well into the night, the air has a slight chill to it like it gets in late summer, a campfire roaring in the background scenting the air with that unmistakable smoky fragrance that sticks with your skin, the crickets chirping peacefully like they have all the time in the world, fireflies blinking their excitement against the black sky. Can you see it? Doesn't it take you back down memory lane? Its hard to dwell on the problems of the world when you are out enjoying nature.

But the world needs more fishermen......... You know, Jesus was also a fisherman. That's right, He did a lot of fishing. But Jesus was a fisher for men. He told His Disciples that He would make them fishers of men as well. He didn't ask them if they wanted to go. He didn't tell them not to worry about it because they didn't know how. He MADE them. Jesus told them what He expected & they did it!

And Jesus, walking by the sea of Galilee, saw two brethren,

Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers.

And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.

And they straightway left their nets, and followed him.

Matthew 4:18-20

Real simple, huh? Then why don't we follow His directions?

He also told us to become fishers of men. That's right, He told us there would be lots of fish & very few fisherman. Now, if any one's ever gone fishing, they know that's a good thing because then the fish are more likely to bite!

But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them,

because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.

Then saith he unto his disciples, The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few;

Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest.

Matthew 9:36-38

For some reason, some people don't like the idea of fishing for men. I understand completely! The thoughts of witnessing to someone else scares the daylights out of me. WHY? What can they do to me? Talk about me, slam a door in my face, laugh at me, cuss me, at the very worst - if I was in a different country - kill me? If I die, is that not a victory for me?! But seriously, what's the likelihood of that extreme happening today? Not very.

So, let's say that I take a stand & go talk to someone about God...... Then what? The person refuses to listen, they tell me they are not interested, the person orders me out of their home, the person tells me they don't believe, or maybe, just maybe my testimony sticks in their mind after I'm gone. A small seed gets planted in their heart from my obedience. What did I lose? Time, energy, a little pride. What does that matter in the long run? How do those things hold up on a set of scales with some one's soul on the other end? THEY DON'T!!!!!

Its time that we as Christians quit sitting down on the job! Jesus didn't save us just so we could hang out until He returned. He left us here for a reason! We have a job to do. I'm talking to myself just as much as I'm talking to anyone else! Let's quit making excuses & let's go fishing!

What Kind of Person Will You Be

When I was a little girl, I had so many dreams, plans, & ideas.  As I grew older, I forgot about some of the more trivial dreams such as becoming a princess or living in some enchanted castle in a distant land.  Eventually, I changed my mind on a few more dreams like becoming famous, having lots of money, & living in a glamorous big city. 

You see, over time, people's dreams, desires, & opinions change according to their situations.  Every little child has big, elaborate dreams of the future.  When we were little, how many of us dreamed of becoming an astronaut, a fireman, or a rockstar?  Some of us never give up on those dreams, few of us get the privilege to live those dreams in the real life.

Our opinions also change about how we see people.  Every little girl's daddy is her hero.  (Although, my daddy still is my hero!)  Everyone believes that they will marry their high school sweetheart.  And good will always defeat evil.  But that's mostly fairy tale stuff.

The world has a certain set of standards, but do we really want to live up to these standards?  Sometimes, it takes several years to truly wake up & open your eyes to what is important.

Many people have an image or an idea of who & what I should be, what people should be in general.  That's ok, but if you put too much stock in the person you think or expect me to be, you may find yourself disappointed.  There's nothing wrong with me wanting to be the type of woman my community watches & sees me to be, my church believes me to be, or my friends support me to be.  I could even strive to be the woman my family understands me to be, my children need me to be, or my husband desires me to be.  But I should be more concerned with being the woman that God knows I can be & Satan fears I can be, instead of the woman that I think I should be.

My Very Own Cowboy

I had joked for several years that I would marry someone whose last name started with a "B" because I was tired of being at the end of the line. I had also recently become tired of the "player" persona & I said that my next boyfriend would be a cowboy. Boy, was God really paying attention, or maybe God had brought me to this point so I could pay attention to Him.

I met Justin cruising one night & he was nothing like what I was used to. He lived on a farm, for goodness sake & here I had huge plans of running off to New York just to get away from the small town life. He wasn't interested in impressing people, he wasn't exactly part of the "popular crowd" in school, and most importantly, he wasn't into playing games with people's heads. I knew immediately there was something about him that had caught my attention. I never believed in "love at first sight" until I found him.

Long story short... we were engaged only 6 months after we first met & were married within the next year. We have been married over 10 years now & have 2 of the most beautiful children in the world. I gave up the thought of big city living & actually enjoy my own little farm now. I'm thankful for God's plan instead of my own.

Not Your Typical Rebellious Teenager

I've been a Daddy's girl for as long as I can remember. There's a lot more behind that other than the usual daddy - daughter relationship. Early on in my teenage years, my mother started having muscle spasms & really bad cramps. Her health became so bad that she had to quit the job which she loved. She had worked in a school cafeteria every since I started public school. She loved the kids & they loved her just as much. I was so happy to have her as my mom. The doctors had a very hard time trying to figure out what was going on with her. Some even tried to convince her that it was all in her head & she was crazy. They tried all differents types of tests, procedures, and medicines. She was seeing several different doctors & specialists both locally & out of town. Finally after several years of this running around, she was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - a disease that is still not understood 15+ years later.

Several of the medicines that my mom tried were experimental & had all kinds of side effects. She was extremely depressed & became angry very easy. Guess who she took it out on? Yep, I was the easiest target. I was everything that she had never been - a good student, played sports, popular, & we had enough money to not be poor. I had my whole future ahead of me, whereas she had dropped out of high school & gotten pregnant at 18. The baby didn't make it.

Between my sophomore and senior years, my mom tried to commit suicide on 3 different occassions. Somehow, it was always my fault. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I always made the A-B Honor Roll, she wanted all As. I played volleyball & softball. She hardly ever attended a game, but made sure to tell me how good she had been at volleyball. I wasn't fat, but I was a little heavier than my friends & always had to hear about how skinny she was before she had me. I went out for the Homecoming Court (not nessessarily because I believed I would make it, but because it was fun) & she would tell me not to be dissappointed when I didn't make it. And whatever guy I was interested in was never good enough.

I can easily say that during this time, I was the most miserable I have ever been in my entire life. I was no longer proud of my mom just for being her. I hid so much of the pain & rejection from everyone. On the outside, I was still the very dependable, very outgoing happy person everyone had always known, but on the inside I was desperately looking for acceptance & love.

I started seeking out the guys that I knew she would not approve of. I was looking for the 3Ps - preppy, pretty boy, player. The first two could be comprimised, but if he wasn't a player, I wasn't interested. I guess it was the way that he made me feel & the way that all the other girls wanted to be with him.

The Begining is a Good Place to Start

My deepest desire is that by reading my personal life story, someone may be touched by it & come to know Jesus as their saviour. None of us are perfect& it is very painful for me to relive a lot of these memories. There are some aspects from my past, that no one (except God) knows about.


My name is Tracie Devin Williams Bauguess. Yes, my middle name really is Devin. You have to remember that when I was born, Devin did not have the same popularity that it has now. My mom got it off of some soap opera before I was born. I HATED it when I was younger because the neighborhood kids used to tease me and call me Devil. It has grown on me over the years & I actually like it more than Tracie now.


I am an only child, so yes, I was slightly spoiled & there wasn't a lot of material things that I asked for that I was refused. I grew up in Millers Creek, NC & had a relatively uneventful & normal life until my teenage years.


I wasn't raised in church like so many other kids from this area were. I had an Aunt who would offer to take me to church occasionally & I enjoyed it when I went, but my parents did not feel the need to attend church on a regular basis. Then, when I was 8 years old, I went to a Bailey Smith Crusade at Wilkes Central High School with a friend & her family. I made my first profession of faith there. I can still see the shirt I was wearing. I convinced my mom to go later on in the week. She also made a profession that night. That's the only time I can remember her going to an altar for her needs. That's the only hope I have that she really is saved like she claims.


We started attending church on a regular basis & I was very active in all the youth programs, but I still didn't feel at peace. I made several more professions & can remember them all. Then we started going to Calvary Baptist Church. This was, & still is, a very spiritual church. Every time I go back to visit, it feels just like I am going home. The day before my 14th birthday in a typical Sunday morning service, I hit the altar one more time somewhere around 1pm. (I say typical because we never got out of church before 12:30 & most of the time, it was later than that.) I finally accepted Jesus into my heart. That's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me & I beg you, if you do not know my Saviour, please allow Him to change your life.