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Sunday, December 4, 2011

Are you my Friend?

I can't quite put my finger on it, but I woke up this morning with a profound sadness. As I was praying, so many thoughts were running through my head. As I was trying to wake Justin up, frustration kept creeping in. As the kids were eating breakfast, tears just rolled down my cheeks. As I walked through the house, I felt...defeated.

I don't know how else to describe it.

I have so much to be thankful for, but still I feel helpless and alone.

As kids, we place so much value on what people think of us & if we are popular & what group we fit into & how many friends we have. As we get older, we realize that the number of friends that we have has decreased. After we are grown & get married, we learn then that the number of people we thought were friends has gotten even smaller. Then as our kids grow up & become involved in some many different activities, that number decreases yet again. Somehow we don't have the time that we used to. Somehow we don't have the energy needed to put into friendships & they slowly slip away.

How many people do I really associate with that are my "friends"? I quit really confiding in most people several years ago. I have had far too many experiences where I thought someone was my friend, only to have them tuck tail & run when I needed them or to have them talk about me to the first person they saw after I left the room.

Most of the time, I'm ok with this, but for some reason this morning, it started to bother me. I miss having someone to confide in. I miss having someone drop by whenever. I miss phone call out of the blue just to say hi.

I know that the bible says in Proverbs 18:24 "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

I know that God is there to listen to me whenever I need Him, but sometimes I need to hear an audible voice as well.
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