What Does He Say

You've seen it.

I've seen it.

Almost everyone knows someone affected by an abusive relationship.

I've seen it with girls & their "protective" boyfriend. I've seen it with boys & their "jealous" girlfriend. I've even seen it with your "best" friend.

Every. Single. One of you (US) is at risk for a toxic relationship.

but for simplicity, we are going to stick with the protective boyfriend here 

It starts out like any other relationship, you catch each other's eye, start talking, & eventually start dating. The changes are so subtle that you don't even see them happening.

When he gets jealous over others guys, even ones you have been friends with forever, you think "he's just being protective". When he no longer wants you to hang out with your best friend, you think "well, we do tend to get into trouble together".

When he says he wants to spend every minute with you, you think "oh how sweet, he must really love me". When he asks you to wear or not to wear a certain outfit, you think "he just wants me to look my best".

When he changes to be more what you want or like, you think "wow, we have a lot in common". When he changes you to be more what he wants, you think "its ok, we all make sacrifices for love".

When he loses his temper, you think "it was only one time, he wouldn't ever hurt me". When he becomes violent, you think "it will never happen again". When he stays violent, you think "if I wouldn't make him so mad, he wouldn't act like this".

"But baby, I LOVE you! Why do you make me act so crazy?"

In case you haven't realized it yet, the devil doesn't show up with a pitchfork reeking of smoke, he's usually the best looking one around who can sweet talk like no other. I should know, I had my very own Devil in Disguise.


I've been there!!! Others have been there!! So when someone sees the warning signs, PLEASE pay attention!

Seeing is Believing or Is It

Today's society has become so jaded that many refuse to believe something unless they see it for themselves. Others are so naive that they believe everything they see & hear. Then there are those that are a mixture of the two. Not taking everything at face value, but still having hope there is good in the world.

We certainly aren't the first generation to corner the market on trust issues.

All down through history, people have spread rumors before they knew the truth, people have jumped because King so & so told them to, people have lied, cheated, & stole to get what they want.

"People" have always been fickle.

John 20: 24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.

25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.

As I read this verse this morning, tears flooded my eyes. I am so thankful that I didn't have to see Jesus crucified to KNOW how much He loved me. I didn't have to see His death to KNOW He suffered for me. I didn't have to see His resurrection to KNOW He defeated death, Hell, & the grave.

I don't have to wait to see Heaven to KNOW that it's real! And most importantly, I don't have to wait to see Jesus stepping out on a cloud to KNOW that He is coming back for His children!

I may have many doubts throughout my life, but I'm thankful that I didn't have to SEE to KNOW that my father is the KING OF KINGS!!!

How Ready are You

We all lose focus from time to time. We all get caught up in the hustle & bustle of our lives that we forget to worry about anything else around us.

In just the past few weeks, lives have been changed forever.....

Several people that I went to school with have passed away. These are people MY AGE. And folks, at 37, I'm no where near old enough to be concerned about dying yet.

A few different families have been irrevocably altered with tragedy, death, and bad news while on vacation.

A whole community has been turned upside down due to a years old grudge.

A family sits around waiting for a saint to breath his last.

And these are all people I know! We won't even talk about all the death, destruction, & what not going on in the world.

Again, I have been reminded of just how precious and fragile life is.

Death is inevitable.

No matter what your name is, how much money you have, who you know, where you live, or what your beliefs are, there is no escaping it. At some point everyone...EVERYONE must face death. And unlike life, where we often share experiences with others, we must face death all by ourselves. Sure you may be surrounded by those you love, but when it comes time, we all must cross over alone.

When we finally see our Lord face to face, we are the only ones accountable for our decisions. It won't matter who our friends were, where we worked, or why we made the choices we did. The most important thing once we die is if we were saved, if we accepted Jesus.

Knowing this & knowing just how short & uncertain life is, why not get this settled NOW before its too late!

Once you take that last breath, once you see His face, once you stand before the gates, its too late!

I Didn't Know

We were on vacation last week. It wasn't a spur of the moment thing. This vacation was planned and paid for back in February. We spent a week in the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia.

I didn't have any real "ideas" to how this vacation would go, I just knew I wanted to go somewhere we've never been before. I also didn't know that we would be staying in an almost dead zone as far as internet signals were concerned.

I didn't know that the fire call that my husband ignored Monday morning because we were trying to get on the road would change a community. Who knows, if he would have responded, he could have been one of those fighting for their life.

I didn't know the family whose life was changed forever while they were simply on vacation. That could have easily been us.

I didn't know that America as we know it would be turned upside down in a matter of minutes.

I didn't know any of this was going to happen while we were on vacation. I didn't know that I would have to struggle to get bits & pieces of information because I couldn't just look it up any time I wanted to.

I didn't know, but GOD did.

He knew where I would be when all of this happened. He knew ages ago where we would all be. He directed us to where we needed to be & where He wanted us to be.

The struggles that went on, not just last week, but last month, last year, every single twist & turn in the road He already knew about it. He's been carving out the road in this life from the very beginning.

Why do we worry so about things we have no control over?

Happy Birthday Logan

4 years ago today, God completed our family.

I thought after Makenzie was born, we were done. Then after we lost a baby through an ectopic pregnancy, I knew we were done.

God knew differently. He knew that our family needed this little bundle of energy that tries my patience & leaves a trail of destruction an F5 tornado would be envious of. He knew I needed this little elf in my life to bring me flowers & give ugga muggas (Daniel Tiger fan here) & sleep with every stuffed animal invented by man.

He knew I needed another reason to smile.

THIS is why I have up drugs years ago

Can I just be honest for a minute here? 

I am hurting. I am smack dab in the middle of fighting off the flu and a UTI. 

In May none the less. Who gets the flu in May?!

I haven't had the flu in over 9 years.

This thing came out of the middle of nowhere & ran me over like a freight train. 

So what does this have to do with drugs? 

The ER doctor gave me a Valium & a Rx for Flexaril along with the usual meds. To say I'm a little loopy is an understatement. 

*note: if I say something off the wall or misspell everything, overlook me.

I don't like not being in control, not remembering, & feeling like my world is spinning. So that's the reason I'm glad I don't do drugs anymore. Well, one of the reasons anyway. 

Maybe I'll have something intelligent to say in a few days,

Don't Let Satan Steal Your Motherhood

I have carried a blog post in the back of my Bible for awhile now. I go back & read it every now & then.

Since last Sunday was Mother's Day, I shared it, through lots of tears, at church.

I should have known. I should have been ready, but I wasn't.

Satan struck back with a vengeance. And he sucker punched me right in the heart.

I received a phone call about disrespectful & disruptive behavior at school. I have cleaned all sorts of bodily fluids off of furniture. I have listened to more bickering than usual. And I have been swamped with chores.

While "in the moment", I almost let him win. It took lots of effort, not by me, but by God - ok, well maybe not so much "effort" from Him, but it sure felt like it.

But no matter what obstacles I encounter, no matter how high the mountain, or how low the valley, I am still blessed beyond measure, blessed far more than I deserve!

Anyway, here is the post. Go check out what happens when Satan steals your motherhood.

Take Another Little Piece of my Heart

A child can bring you more joy than you could ever imagine, but they can also break your heart into so many pieces you don't believe there's enough glue in the world to fix it. I'm not just talking about your own child either. If you've ever gotten close to a child that wasn't yours, you already know this.

I've always had a heavy burden for our young people, for my kids, my kids' friends, my friends' kids, my niece & nephew, my church kids....all of them. But here lately, it seems heavier.

I've taken some time to step back and watch our young people. Some things that I am seeing upsets me.

Now, I'm not too old that I don't remember being a teenager & falling madly in love with someone. But our kids fall a lot faster these days. They also recover a lot faster too.

A broken heart, a true broken heart takes time to heal. It wants the opportunity to slowly knit itself back together before it even considers feeling anything again. If that's the case, then how do you fall in love over & over & over & over again, only to break up, have a broken heart, then miraculously fall in love again, all within the span of a few days, sometimes even hours.

There's nothing wrong with switching boyfriends/girlfriends almost as often as you change your underoos, at least at this age. (Personal opinion here, if your's is different, please be respectful of mine. Afterall, this is MY blog.) There's plenty of time to be serious when you have to grow up.

My concern here is how freely people "fall in love".

I recently asked the question "what's his/her last name?" When the answer is "I don't know", please tell me then how in the world you LOVE them?! My son responded with the best answer I've heard to this question in a long time .... "it's a lie".

Ding Ding Ding, we have a winner!

He's right. It is a lie!

It's a lie we tell ourselves. It's a lie we tell the other person.

Did you know that if you tell a lie long enough, you will start to believe it?

Social Media has really changed our society. For the better or for the worse, I'm not 100% sure yet.

It certainly has its advantages, this blog for one ;)

But technology has irrevocably changed us. It has made us braver, bolder, judgmental, more callous, & more cold hearted than any other single thing EVER. We think we can comment whatever we want on anything we want without having to deal with the consequences. Somethings we say or do through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat (DO NOT get me started on that one!), text, or whatever other media outlet you prefer, we would NEVER EVER even consider saying or doing if we had to in person, or even over the phone (you know, actually talking to someone - that is what phones were invented for many moons ago).

If I'm not careful, I'll get started on how jaded the next generation (& even my generation) is becoming, so back to my point...

Young people, pay attention!

Your prince is out there young ladies & you shouldn't have to kiss all of those slimy frogs to find him. Those frogs don't love you, but one day your prince will. Your prince will be tender & kind. He will respect you & those you hold dear. He will try to impress you without being conceited.

Fellows, your lady is patiently waiting for you. Be a gentleman and wait on her too. Don't push yourself on anyone. Don't fall for those singing Sirens, who might look enticing, but they only want to destroy you. Your lady will be beautiful, both inside and out.

You don't have to tell everyone coming & going that you love them. And if someone tells you that they love you, but you don't feel the same way, don't feel pressured to repeat it. Just smile and say thank you! Every time you tell someone you love them without really meaning it, you are giving away a piece of your heart.

Believe me, when you find the right one, YOU WILL KNOW! And then "I love you" will have a whole new meaning!

Level P

Today is marking a very important day in Makenzie's school year. She is testing for her level P. I never thought we would get to that level this year.

If you are sitting there scratching your head in wonder, a level P is on grade level. It means she has read all of these reading passages, answered the questions accordingly, and passed them. It means she has an exemption from being considered for retention. It means success!

Now, she wasn't really being considered (at least not heavily) for third grade retention, but she was on the border.

For those of you that don't know, reading is one of the reasons we decided to put her in public school last year. I just couldn't teach her to read. She entered the 2nd nine weeks of second grade WAY below grade level. They immediately started several intensive programs with her & I put her in private tutoring as well.

She made so much progress just that first year (not even a full school year). She grew a year and a half's worth in only 6 months, but she was still so far behind her peers.

As this year progressed, her teacher told me that even though Makenzie still wasn't where she needed to be, they were not going to hold her back. She was ready in every other area, she just needed a little more help in reading.

To "pass" third grade, they need to pass the EOG or have certain exemptions: a passing BOG (she didn't have that), a Lexile at a certain score (she doesn't have that), a TRC (not a clue what that stands for) of a level P & it honestly didn't look like that would happen since she started 3rd grade with a level H, or passing the majority of reading standard tests they are given throughout the year. Those standards are very similar to the EOG, so that was worrisome as well.

A little over halfway through the year, Makenzie's teacher realized that more than likely she would meet one of those exemptions. She had easily passed every reading standard so far. With only 2 left, and the opportunity to retake them if needed, this exemption was going to be our saving grace. Her teacher also had the foresight to believe that she shouldn't have any problem passing the EOG since these standards are more or less mock EOG's.

Then yesterday, Makenzie excitedly tells me that she is testing for her level P today! She said she was nervous & excited all at the same time.

This may not mean anything to some of you, but for us, this is HUGE!!! This is just another reassurance that placing her in public school when we did was just the right time, all in God's time!

Say a little prayer for her today!!!


UPDATE....... She passed the level P & the level Q!!! Thanks for praying!!!

Love Triangles

Its strange. Here I am, 30+++ (ahem....) years old, happily married for 16, yet I find myself smack dab in the middle of a love triangle.

Oh woe is me.....

For 2 years now,  my oldest son has more or less been in a relationship (take that as loosely as you would like - these are kids here) with the same two girls. Usually this wouldn't be so much of an issue. After all, I went back and forth between the same two guys all throughout my middle school years (although back them, we didn't have "middle school", but anyway 6th-8th grade).

The problem here lies with the fact that these two girls are friends, best friends even!

I have tried to make him realize that maybe its time for someone outside of this tight knit circle, but short of saying "You can't go out with her", I don't see any end in sight here. Oh, trust me, I'm sure that one day I will end up putting my foot down. I'm sure he will bring someone home that I don't like. But that's a fight for another day.

Some of you may be reading this & chuckling to yourself about how insignificant this is. Like I said ^^^ they're just kids.

But when you are "just a kid", you look at things differently than those of us who have been around the block a few times. You still have that fresh wonder, you 're still full of hope, & you still believe that everyone that says "I love you" means it.

I know that he will have many girlfriends down the road. I'm sure that he will break a few hearts. I'm sure that his will get broke as well. I just hope that through it all, he is able to keep that wonder & hope alive, that he doesn't become jaded as easily as so many of us have.

I also hope that these girls make it through middle school love with their hearts & their friendships in tact.

SIGH

Mom's Need Pampering Too

I am in Heaven. As I sit here right now, I am enjoying the first pedicure I've had in a VERY long time. And guess what, I deserve it. I don't feel guilty one bit.

Ok, maybe a little bit guilty. But not enough not to enjoy it! Lol

We were actually finishing Makenzie's room, when I took a break to lay Logan down for a nap. I just walked back in the living room, looked at my feet, and simply said "I need a pedicure." I laughed because although I wanted one, I wasn't entirely serious. 

My husband look at me & said "go on. Here's some money."

Well, alrighty then! I'm gone!

I'm the world's worst at putting everyone else before myself. I guess that's just the momma in me. But guess what momma's, we need pampering too! Enjoy it while we can!

If we keep giving & giving & giving, before long, we don't have anything left to give. So next time, you "need" a few minutes, take them & enjoy! 

My Teenager

It's funny, some days I don't remember what I did yesterday, what someone said to me an hour ago, or even why I walked into a room mere seconds ago. But then there are those moments that are burned into your memory so deeply that you probably couldn't forget them even if you tried. I have several of those.

Today, exactly 13 years ago (7:24pm) my life changed in ways I could never imagine. I became a mother.

Austin Dale Bauguess made his grand appearance only 3 days early weighing 8lbs & 7oz. He was a chunky butt as a baby. 

WHY God entrusted me with this privilege, I'll never comprehend. It's the hardest, most exciting, scariest, most heart wrenching, incredible "job" that I've ever experienced. It's not just my job, it's my life!

I'm so thankful that I've had the pleasure to be his mother! Even 13 years later, I still have no clue what I am doing, but we are all learning as we go!

Happy Birthday baby! I'm proud of the young man you are becoming! You're officially a teenager, so you can slow down now!

They Deserve Better

On the way to school one day this week, Makenzie stopped me in my tracks. She said "Momma, so & so doesn't care if they go to Hell".

Oh wow, out of the mouth of babes...

I asked her how she knew. So she told me that they (her a friend) had been talking about Heaven when her friend told her that. 

It broke my heart. 

Number 1, here's my nine year old telling others about Jesus!

Number 2, how can parents live in such a way to make a 9 year old be so flippant about a place of eternal torment.

I'm Tired

I don't know about you, but I'm tired!

Yes I run wide open more often than I don't. I tend to carry more plates than I can hold. And somehow I'm usually supposed to be in several different places at the same time.

I'm tired!

Before you go comparing our schedules & start laughing at who puts on a more entertaining juggling show, let me explain.

My physical state is NOT what I'm writing about today. Even though it applies, that can easily be fixed with a little shut eye.

I'm tired on a spiritual level.

I'm not even talking about my incompetence as a Christian.

BUT I'M TIRED!

I am tired of Satan getting the upper hand on me. I'm tired of him using my loved ones to get the best of me. I'm tired of him using my insecurities, my pain, and my fears to make me question the right decision. I'm tired of him thinking that my past will trip me up the way it used to.

My husband loves me unconditionally. He's not perfect, but he does the best he can. My children bring me more joy and more heartache than I ever knew was possible. Being a wife is hard. Being a mom is even harder. I don't always react the way I should. I don't always have all the answers. I don't always show the love I have in my heart. But I hope, at the end of the day, they know how hard I try!

I have a hard time opening up. I have a hard time trusting. I allow people to get to me more than I let on. I worry about things I have no control over.

I'm NOT the person I used to be. I'm not perfect. I fall every single day. I'm no where near where I need to be, but I'm a lot farther down the road from where I once was.

Satan isn't happy with who I aspire to be. He isn't happy with who God wants be to be. He knows he no longer has me, but he wants me so beaten down that I'm no good to anyone.

I have no clue what God has in store for my life. I'm not sure why He entrusted me with all these blessings that love me. But I do know that His word says in Jerimiah 29:11

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil".

So yes, I'm tired!! And I intend to rely on God to help me fix it!

A Beautiful White Change of Pace

Yet again, here in NC we are experiencing snow. Not the Snow-Mageddon or the Snowpocalypse that we experienced last year, but just enough to sled on.

The first flakes of the season hit last week just as the kids were coming off of a long weekend and the frigid temps allowed it to hang around for a few days. Then after one day back to school with a 2 hour delay, we awoke to an unexpected "dusting" that produced several inches and 2 more days out of school. Now we are staring at the possibility of another storm that will shut down the world the rest of the week.

I read Facebook & can't help but laugh. Some are excited, some are disgusted, some are angry, & some are begging for a change. We sure are a fickle lot! NO ONE is ever happy!

I get it, I really do. The snow is fun for a little while, but it does tend to throw things helter skelter. And we sure do like things to go according to plan.

Now don't get me wrong, my kids have gotten on my nerves more than once, I have washed & dried & dried & dried about 3 times as much laundry, my floors are a mess, I have towels lining the entryways, & we are out of snacks...again. But for the most part I have thoroughly enjoyed this beautiful mess.

You see since this summer we have been none stop! Between Justin, Austin, & Makenize, we literally had football 6 days a week for months! Then we went right into wrestling season with Justin as the high school trainer there too. So again, many weeks, we had wrestling 6 days out of 7. Add to that tutoring & a few clubs for Makenzie, plus church activities and several other things going on, WE HAVE BEEN BUSY!

So last week was very much welcomed at our house. We ate supper at the table more times than we didn't. We cuddled on the couch watching movies. We sledded under the moonlight. We played Monopoly for hours on end. We baked brownies & muffins. ***We also cleaned the house!***

So instead of looking at this upcoming system as a burden & dreading it, look at it through the eyes of your child & take advantage of the time it has created for you! God does try to help us slow down sometimes!