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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

When Forever is no Longer Forever

I've heard so many people debate whether divorce really affects children or not. I have always had my own opinions & convictions about this topic.

The Bible clearly states that God wants a marriage to last forever. He only gives 2 acceptable reasons for divorce - adultery & irreconcilable differences in religious beliefs. Now, He's not talking about a mere 1 time occurrence of cheating here, He's talking about over & over & over again without any regard for saving the marriage or attempting to change one's habits. God also doesn't mean petty little spats & disagreements over what you think is right or wrong. This is clearly when one spouse is saved & the other has hardened their heart so much that it is disrupting your everyday lives. Then, & only then, does God give "permission" for divorce. Does that mean He approves? Absolutely not, but He understands.

Regardless of what the Bible says, I know that many, many people that choose to leave their spouse. As humans, we have come to accept this as normal. Sometimes, we try to convince them to work it out. Sometimes, we say they are better off. Most often, it doesn't even cause us to falter.

How sad is it, that we live in a society where we throw away the person we pledged our undying affection to just as easily as we throw out last week's leftovers? We have truly become an unfeeling, uncaring nation of people.

Back to the original statement. I know far too many children that have been devastated when divorce comes knocking at their door. Questions of "Why me", "What did I do wrong", "How can I fix this", "Will mom/dad still love me", "Does true love still exist" circulate faster than a Texas tornado in spring.

Let me just say that these feelings of inadequacy do not cease with age.

By now, you might be asking yourself if I have ANY idea what I am talking about. Well, yes & no.

My parents have been married 36 years. That seems like a lifetime in today's time frame. 36 years is a major accomplishment any way you look at it.

I have been saying for years that I have no idea how or why they have stayed together. Do they fight that often? Nope, they hardly ever fight. Even growing up, I hardly ever say them disagree. But you know what else I never saw? Affection. Sure my dad would kiss my mom good night & tell her he loved her, but that's about the extent of it.

My mom finally dropped the bomb on me last week. She is no longer in love with my dad & hasn't been happy for years. Even though it wasn't a huge surprise to me, it still hurt. I mean it HURT. Thinking something myself verses hearing it out loud has two totally different results.

Of course my responses consisted of "Are you sure", "Have you told him how you feel", "Are you leaving him", "Have you considered counseling", "Have you tried making more effort to do things together". In a nutshell, she has no desire to work things out.

These are my PARENTS. How do I respond to that? I'm NOT supposed to be their counselor!

So when I talked to my dad, I told him they needed to talk & she wasn't happy. He already knew this. The marriage has been dead for years. It turns out that me & my kids are the glue holding it together.

Now does this mean that I get the honor of joining the ever increasing number of children from broken homes? Who knows.
In a way, I always have been. I've referred to them for too many years to count as either mom or dad, hardly ever both of them. Many people already think they are divorced because they are never together.

They may follow through with divorce. They may continue on pretending for everyone else. Or they may fall back in love. I'm not holding my breath for any of these.

I DON'T WANT TO BE THE GLUE!

That means when I fall apart, everything else does too!



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