Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Where does the Blame truely lie?

My get up & go has not only got up & went, but it has dissappeared entirely. I'm not sure what the problem is, but I have ZERO motivation to do much of anything.

Blame it on the baby blues!

Blame it on lack of sleep, its amazing how the body can function on a couple of 3 hr naps each night for months. Or the addition of another mouth to feed without the addition of funds to offset it, although God has certainly provided miracles in that area. Or 2 overly jealous kids & 1 very needy little boy.

Blame it on a certain 9 year old who would rather be anywhere than with me. Or who has a severe attitude anytime things go the least bit wrong.

Blame it on the "super mom" gene in me that seems to be failing in every aspect of life. Or on the fact that my house is constantly cluttered, my mountain of laundry keeps getting bigger by the second, my sink has dissappeared under the dishes, & the fact that I am out of room for anything.

Blame it on the monotany of the day - get up entirely too early, feed baby, feed kids, clean mess, start school, feed baby, lay baby down for nap, reteach math lesson, go get fussy baby, ask repeatedly "what is that word?", make snack, clean mess, back to school, make lunch, feed baby, clean mess, lay baby down, try to stay awake while reading history, ask repeatedly "is that your best work?", get baby up, clean up school, try to entertain baby & get something accomplished, do dishes, do laundry, start supper, feed baby, lay baby down for nap, clean up mess, collapse on couch for a few minutes of quite time, put kids to bed, go to bed entirely too late, promise to go to bed earlier tomorrow.

Blame it on society today that has repeatedly told us we are worthless unless we are corporate America. Or the fact that not too many people appreciate the value of a stay at home mom, much less a homeschool mom.

Blame it on having to FORCE myself to teach school right now & then second guessing everything that comes out of my mouth. Or the fact that Austin's handwriting is awful (wait, he is a boy) & he has yet to memorize those pesky multiplication tables. Or the fact that Makenzie is not reading as well as I think she should be.

Blame it on the fact that I am 30 lbs heavier than I was 2 yrs ago & I still haven't lost all the baby weight. Or the fact that I am NOT good at "dieting". Or the fact that I have 2 pairs of blue jeans that fit & I refuse to buy more when I have a whole closet full of clothes that are too little. Or the fact that I really need a Mt. Dew! Or the fact that I feel like I have aged 10 years in the past 2.

Blame it on the fact that Justin hasn't found an EMT job yet & this worries me. Or the fact that he is gone a lot trying to provide for us. Or the fact that I miss him more than I like to admit!

Blame it on whatever you want, but truly, the blame is on me. I want/need to fall back in love with my first love - God! I want/need to spend more time in His word! I want/need to become the prayer warrior that I once was! I want/need the joy of my salvation restored to me.

Ok, so now that I know/admit where to place the blame, maybe the world can start turning again! I also KNOW that I am entirely too blessed to be stressed, but sometimes, I just need to tell people what is really on my mind!
We did make it outside for a little play time this afternoon. I felt a little less burdened down after that. Its amazing how much a little sun/SON shine can brighten your mood! I am currently reading "Made To Crave" & so far so good. Iit really makes sense! I'll let you know how it turns out!
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