I have realized that through it all, man will let you down, friends will let you down, & you will let yourself down more times than you can ever count. God will never let us down. BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I AM WHAT I AM!
I used to think that women who stayed home with their kids had it made. I knew their was always messes to clean up & it might get a little lonely from time to time, but I never even imagined the stress, heartache, & tears that would come with it. So here today, I give you some simple truths of the insanity that I call my life.
Jealousy is a very real factor! I admit I'm jealous......
I'm jealous of my husband's freeness. He can come & go as he wants to. He gets to do the fun stuff, while I have to cook, clean, do laundry, & take care of the baby. He gets to pursue things that interest him, while I'm had to drop almost everything that doesn't involve the kids. He gets to sleep late, while I have to get up early most mornings.
I'm jealous of friends that can get together whenever they want to.
I'm jealous of adults that actually get to eat a hot meal, sitting down, in peace.
I'm jealous of people that work. They can "get away" for a little while. They can afford a nice car, a bigger house, & dance classes.
I'm jealous of anyone who looks nice for longer than 10 mins. That's about how long I am able to keep anything from being spit up on.
I'm jealous of anyone who doesn't have to "rob Peter to pay Paul!" I get so tired of living paycheck to paycheck, but it has been an interesting adventure to see how much money I can save!
Loneliness is suffered in silence.
Occasional adult conversation would be nice.
Adult conversation that doesn't always center around our kids would be even better.
Depression is easy to fall into.
There are days that I can't explain why I'm mad/sad/hysterical.
There are days that I really just want to lay in the bed & cry.
There are days that I don't want to deal with anyone (especially if they are under 5 ft tall) unless they live in black & white print.
Expectations are unrealistic.
Alone time is unheard of. I have to lock the doors & read a book during a bubble bath in order to make an attempt at peace & quiet. Today Logan woke up early & fussed the whole time I was in the bath tub & my other wonderful children were too busy watching T.V. to go pick him up, so much for that peace!
If you can relate to this, I hope you found my confessions amusing & you realize that you are not alone. If you think I am acting spoiled & just want something to complain about, I invite you to come spend some time in my shoes!
Heys, elves have been at my house!!!!!! Elves, really? Yeh, you know, those little guys in the green costumes. History is full of hard working elves ..... Santa's workshop, the shomaker's helpers, the Keebler tree house. I'm fairly certain, they have visited my house.
HOW did I decide that you might ask?
Well, after spending A L L S T I N K I N G M O R N I N G cleaning my kitchen, I have come to a realization ....... those helpful little elves that worked so hard for everyone else needed a place to relax. So, having the inviting, kid friendly environment that we call home, they naturally chose here.
Not only did they pick my humble abode to relax at, they also decided to throw a party here & invite EVERYONE they know! And I believe that they enjoyed themselves so much that they do it again & again every night.
How else could our trash can get full so fast after putting in an empty bag?
How else could so much dirt get on my floor?
How else could food leak out of its bowl inside the fridge?
How else could every single fork we own always be dirty?
How else could all the soft drinks & cookies get gone so fast?
Today's generation absolutely breaks my heart. I know that I didn't always make the smartest decisions as a young person (& still don't from time to time), but I had respect for authority most of the time & a fear of God even when I wasn't living right. What happened to that time of respect & reverence when the town drunk made an effort to be in church on Sunday mornings, even if he had been out all night on Saturday, when you turned your music down driving by a church, when you listened to your elders (even if only until you were out of sight)?
I'll tell you what happened, parents started doing a lot more things than they used to do. They started trying to be a friend instead of a parent. They started chasing "the American Dream", working longer hours, & allowing their children to raise themselves. They started worrying about everyone else's opinions on their parenting skills. They started trying to make their kids cooler, better dressed, & more popular than they were. They started "giving in" & buying affection because it was easier than actually paying attention.
Parents have also stopped doing lots of things as well. Parents stopped having an active role in their children's lives. They stopped showing respect for other people. They stopped making their children mind. They stopped standing up for what was right. They stopped believing that church was important. They stopped allowing God to be the center of their lives.
I was flipping through Facebook & landed on someone's page a few weeks ago & couldn't believe what I was seeing. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since then. Children ~ yes, if you are under 18 you are still a child!! ~ living in all different aspects of sin. Children, who were raised in church, venturing out & experimenting with the world. Children with no respect for themselves or anyone else.
Then, as I kept looking, I came across one of the mistakes that we, as parents, are always making. We think that if we will just continue to overlook our children's wrong doings & accept them for who they are, everything will be all peachy. I found this verse posted very close to inappropriate behavior. "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." 1 Tim 4:12
I'm not sure if that parent really put any thought into this or was just looking for a bible verse that slap on a picture (no, I am not judging). This child is openly making a mockery of God & the parent is wanting them to enjoy life & be an example to others.
Is there any wonder that our children are so confused?
The really sad part here is that this family is not the only one living life this way. Oh, I pray that parents will wake up & retake control of their homes. I pray that God continues to show mercy to us all!
Growing up within city limits, I never had the privilege/fun/hard work of farm life. I was, more or less, a little bit spoiled & a girly-girl so I've had to learn A LOT since moving out & getting married. It seems I learn more & more all the time. That's a good thing & I am not the least bit ashamed to admit that I certainly do NOT know it all (contrary to popular belief).
During the 12 years that I have been married, we have had all sorts of critters. Our latest addition......pigs!
Yep, cute furry little oinkers. We are the proud parents of 3 red headed step children ~ bacon, sausage, & ham! I just hope that we aren't too attached when gulp that time comes.
This isn't the first time we have had pigs, but this time, we are going to "raise" them. YEAH, I'm excited!
Now to decide who gets the honor of not being on our plate.....
I haven't had the ... *sniff* courage to write this post yet. It was too heart breaking!
Nah - I just forgot about it & (imagine this) ran out of time!
The day was Saturday, Dec. 3, 2011. The weather was cold. The house was relatively quite (Austin & Makenzie had spent the night at nannie's house). So there I was, sitting at the kitchen table, minding my own business, trying to make a few hairbows. Logan was sitting in his chair beside me happily playing & babbling away. Then .... it happened ... DADADADADADADADA.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Wait, surely I misunderstood. It sure did sound like BLAH BLAH BLAH - oh wait, that's kinda the same, right?
Really? Its my face you see all day long, its me that runs to your every whimper. Is it too hard to reward me by saying MAMAMAMA? I guess I'll just settle for those wet sloppy kisses & know that in your heart, you love me more!
I just LOVE Christmas, don't you! Everyone is a little nicer, everything is bright & shiny, Christmas Carols, Christmas cookies & candy, Christmas movies, families getting together, street corner Santas everywhere you look. There is just something magical about Christmas time.
And then......the magic fades away.....
We've been waiting for, dreading, the time when the kids stopped believing in Santa. Austin hasn't actually admitted he doesn't believe anymore, but, he sure has hinted at it.
Justin was talking to him the other day & it sounded like he was scared not to believe anymore. Austin said that he didn't think his cousins believed anymore.
Then we were watching The Elf on the Shelf video & he leaned over & whispered to me "You know those elves aren't REAL, don't you?"....
Oh, I'm NOT ready for this!
At least I still have the other 2!
.......So I had to add a link after a friend sent this to me! Its such a beautiful way of explaining the truth! Truth About Santa
Do you know why preacher's kids have a bad reputation & get into so much trouble......Its because everyone is watching them closer than most other kids! I'm convinced of this. Kids are kids & will be mischievous & get into whatever they can in order to have fun.
So when you see my kids misbehaving, remember yours are doing it too!
Anyway, Austin was grinning like a possum during church. Well, ok after the choir came down & everyone was shaking hands & talking. He came back to where I was & the conversation went a little like this:
Austin said "Guess what? I asked _______ out."
I said "Really, where are you going?" hahahaha
He laughed & said "No, to be my girlfriend."
"Well, what did she say?"
"She said yes!"
"Austin, she's too old for you!" (She's 11)
"So."
He then BEGGED to sit with his nanny (& of course this girl). Well, ok, I guess.
As soon as church was over, Austin darted out the door. GRRR - How many times have I told those kids to stay inside?! They tend to disappear......
By the time I finally got outside, he comes walking no, sauntering up to me & announced
"I kissed _______!"
"Austin! You're at church!"
"But mom, it wasn't inside."
OH, the logic there! HMMMMMMM- I wonder if this girl knows what she's in for??!!
I have always loved this song. They just don't make music like this anymore!
I can't quite put my finger on it, but I woke up this morning with a profound sadness. As I was praying, so many thoughts were running through my head. As I was trying to wake Justin up, frustration kept creeping in. As the kids were eating breakfast, tears just rolled down my cheeks. As I walked through the house, I felt...defeated.
I don't know how else to describe it.
I have so much to be thankful for, but still I feel helpless and alone.
As kids, we place so much value on what people think of us & if we are popular & what group we fit into & how many friends we have. As we get older, we realize that the number of friends that we have has decreased. After we are grown & get married, we learn then that the number of people we thought were friends has gotten even smaller. Then as our kids grow up & become involved in some many different activities, that number decreases yet again. Somehow we don't have the time that we used to. Somehow we don't have the energy needed to put into friendships & they slowly slip away.
How many people do I really associate with that are my "friends"? I quit really confiding in most people several years ago. I have had far too many experiences where I thought someone was my friend, only to have them tuck tail & run when I needed them or to have them talk about me to the first person they saw after I left the room.
Most of the time, I'm ok with this, but for some reason this morning, it started to bother me. I miss having someone to confide in. I miss having someone drop by whenever. I miss phone call out of the blue just to say hi.
I know that the bible says in Proverbs 18:24 "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
I know that God is there to listen to me whenever I need Him, but sometimes I need to hear an audible voice as well.
If you can relate to this, I hope you found my confessions amusing & you realize that you are not alone. If you think I am acting spoiled & just want something to complain about, I invite you to come spend some time in my shoes!
