I have been struggling for awhile now. I have been trying to figure it out. I have been trying to find God's will. I have been trying to understand the reason, the timing, & the direction. I have been weighing the possibilities. I have been praying for guidance.
Even though I still question, even though I am still anxious, even though I still wonder, I feel peace through the uncertainty.
I don't feel like I have given up. I don't feel like I have lost a battle. I don't feel like a failure. I understand that God's will is different from mine. I understand that this chapter in my life has come to an end.
I also understand that God is trying to lead me in a new direction. I also understand that God only wants the best for me. I also understand that only God knows the future.
Tomorrow, Grace of God Christian Academy will be taking a hiatus. I have no clue how long our homeschool will be closed. I don't know if this is a permanent thing or if its just for a little while. Tomorrow, my sweet Makenzie will attend public school for the very first time.
I should have seen it coming. I should have known this was the direction that we were heading. Every single time I tried to plan, every single time I thought about school, every single time anything was mentioned, my stomach would knot & I would silently scream NO.
I thought I understood the resistance once we realized that Austin was going back to middle school. But, the thoughts, the feelings never let up.
My heart hasn't been in it at all. I haven't wanted to do anything school related. I haven't enjoyed anything this year.
Its not a burn out thing. Its not a frustration thing. Its not a need a break thing.
I really believe that God has been leading us in this direction.
Why He only gave me a little over 3 years to teach my kids from home? I'll never know. I hope that I accomplished what I was supposed to in those precious years. I hope that I haven't let Him down. I hope that He can look at me & say well done.
I'm thankful for the time I have had. I don't regret for a minute having all 3 of my babies home with me!
Now, looking to the future, only God knows, but I'm sure He will direct us where we need to go!
I also understand that God is trying to lead me in a new direction. I also understand that God only wants the best for me. I also understand that only God knows the future.
Tomorrow, Grace of God Christian Academy will be taking a hiatus. I have no clue how long our homeschool will be closed. I don't know if this is a permanent thing or if its just for a little while. Tomorrow, my sweet Makenzie will attend public school for the very first time.
I should have seen it coming. I should have known this was the direction that we were heading. Every single time I tried to plan, every single time I thought about school, every single time anything was mentioned, my stomach would knot & I would silently scream NO.
I thought I understood the resistance once we realized that Austin was going back to middle school. But, the thoughts, the feelings never let up.
My heart hasn't been in it at all. I haven't wanted to do anything school related. I haven't enjoyed anything this year.
Its not a burn out thing. Its not a frustration thing. Its not a need a break thing.
I really believe that God has been leading us in this direction.
Why He only gave me a little over 3 years to teach my kids from home? I'll never know. I hope that I accomplished what I was supposed to in those precious years. I hope that I haven't let Him down. I hope that He can look at me & say well done.
I'm thankful for the time I have had. I don't regret for a minute having all 3 of my babies home with me!
Now, looking to the future, only God knows, but I'm sure He will direct us where we need to go!
No comments:
Post a Comment