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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

A Lesson in Grace

I took Makenzie back to the doctor yesterday for her ADHD evaluation. Her doctor doesn't think she has full blown ADHD although there might be a little tendency underlying there. She also eased my fears that her problems are not stemming from not being able to do the work intellectually. She has some sort of learning difference/disability, we just need to figure out what it is.

 
She assured me that I was doing the right thing by backing up, allowing Makenzie to do lessons that she was comfortable with, and not putting pressure on her. She acknowledged the fact that Makenzie is a very happy kid so she must be adjusting well. She also understood the frustration that I was feeling. Everything came so easy to me in school so its a little hard for me to realize that not everyone is like I was. I know this, but its easier said than done when it just doesn't click.

I feel a little better about the situation, but somehow, guilt still overcomes me. I'm having a hard time knowing that I have done everything that I can do to help her. I'm having a hard time knowing that somehow I haven't failed her. I'm having a hard time letting go & letting God.

Last night, I was talking to a friend about all kinds of things in general, silly things, concerns in her life, issues in mine, who really is suffering from our selfish government, etc. Neither one of us could understand why some things were happening. We were looking for that bright neon sign from God that says "This is it. This is why. This is your purpose. This is your way." I simply told her that maybe God was teaching her grace........

It didn't hit me until just a little while ago as I was trying to get Makenzie to focus & trying to get Logan to leave her alone, that maybe my friend wasn't the only one who needed to learn a lesson in grace. I had an hour long conversation last night after a crazy hectic day while trying to eat a late supper, settle babies down for the night, right the world of all its wrongs, understand injustice, laugh, cry, offer advice & prayers just to realize that God was trying to show me that big flashing neon sign.

I'm thankful for God's grace even when I'm sure He is aggravated with repeatedly telling me something. I'm thankful for God's grace even when I'm sure He is thinking "will she ever get it". I'm thankful for God's grace even as I don't show grace like I should. I'm thankful for God's grace even when I don't deserve it.


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