And THIS is Why Some Animals Eat Their Young

Some days I wonder how the world is still turning, how it is still functioning. How century after century, the population not only continues, but increases. How did any of us survive through adolescence without our parents strangling us? This teenage stuff is for the birds. Its rough, I tell you.

I swear my oldest son has single handedly provided me with enough drama & heartache to last a lifetime. And its scary when I realize we're only halfway through the teen years.

There's a song out right now that while I KNOW ITS NOT TRUE, I can't help but think of him everytime I hear it.

 I'm never gonna let you close to me

Even though you mean the most to me

'Cause every time I open up, it hurts

But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry

And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry

And every time you walk out, the less I love you

Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true

It's HARD getting your heart broken over & over again by those that you love the most!

My devotional this morning in The Joseph Calling was about David learning that Saul had been killed. My first thought was, what does this have to do with Joseph? But as I read on I understood.

David had every right to be happy that Saul, the very one who had made his life miserable, was gone. But he didn't. He was sorrowful. He mourned. Makes you wonder WHY David was sad his enemy had finally been defeated once & for all...

"WHEN WE BEGIN TO SEE PEOPLE AS GOD DOES, WE'LL NO LONGER LOOK AT THEM AS ENEMIES, BUT AS SOULS IN NEED OF GRACE."

I wept! I couldn't have read on any farther if my life depended on it!

My teenage son may not be my enemy but some days it sure feels like it!

He needs my grace just as I need God's grace.

Hello Juvenile Delinquent

I have wrestled with whether or not to post this one. Usually I'm an open book, no holds barred type of person. But this subject, while it could easily happen to any one of you, will probably cause lots of talk. So welcome to another edition of my less than perfect life...

As some of you know, there was an "incident" with Austin earlier this month. Now, my oldest isn't a fighter by nature, but he isn't one to back down either...ever. As we are learning, he can certainly hold his own. Long story short: a friend of Austin's started it, Austin finished it, resulting with the friend needing medical attention & glue.

Its never a good day when the school shows up on my caller id. But what started out as dread, turned into full fledged panic with more questions than answers.

Since there was "serious injury", the county, NOT the school or the other family, HAD to press charges. Because of a situation that started out as nothing more than boys being boys, now both of these 12 year old BOYS were being charged with misdemeanor assault!

Great...now I have a juvenile delinquent. At 16, sure maybe, but 12!!!

After the shock wore off, talking to the other family (who we are also friends with), and getting a few more answers, we were able to try to laugh about the whole incredible ordeal.

Even through the jokes, worry still remained. What would the juvenile protection services say, would there be long term repercussions, counseling, community service, worse?

After 10 L O N G days, we finally had our meeting. Since this was his first offense, all went well & the case was dismissed.

I think part of her job is to scare the pants off of kids.

While talking with this woman, we learned so many shocking things.

Did you know that the school refers every case involving fights, weapons, & drugs? EVERY ONE OF THEM! Including 6 year olds who through something across the room!!!

At any given time, there are 250 children (under 16 - because 16 is legally an adult here in NC) in this county on probation! REALLY??!!??!! Is that necessary?!

It shocks me to think that the school no longer wants any part of trying to help children that truly need help. While our case was nothing in the grand scheme of it all, I just can't imagine what some of these families go through just because the powers that be don't want to deal with it.

If my oldest child, who is not, nor ever has been, a saint, gets into another fight, whether he starts it or just defends himself, (which let's face facts, most boys do fight) he will be right back in that office facing stricter consequences.

Its a sad time we live in folks. Children can no longer be children, they can't try to settle things between themselves, they can no longer take up for themselves, without threats of legal action looming over their heads.

Of yeah, and my juvenile delinquent goes to church, plays football, wrestles, makes good grades, plays guitar, rides dirt bikes, & ties bow-ties just for fun!

Goodbye 2014 & Praying for 2015

With the new year upon us, I like to look back on all that transpired during 2014. I can say, with all honesty that we faced things we have never faced before. We experienced new joys, higher highs, & lower lows. Through it all, we are still BLESSED!

2014 brought with it a brand new business, Freedom Fire & Safety, that we are slowly building to its great potential. It brought the best year yet for Blessed Boutique. It brought a new car (finally), parenting struggles, the death of my grandfather, the resignation of a church, a FULLY self employed year (which scares the daylights out of me as tax time gets closer). It brought, not once or twice, but three occasions that brought my mom to church. It brought not one, but two, Super Bowl championships to my children. It brought the opportunity to hear, meet, & shake the hand of one of my favorite singers. It brought new friendships, while others ended. And hopefully, it brought my family closer to each other & to God than ever before.

One of the (many) things that I regret about this past year is the fact that I didn't write nearly as much as I have in the past (only 41 posts in 2014 compared to over 150 in 2013). I just had so many tangled emotions that I felt were best left unsaid at the time. But hopefully 2015 will bring clarity & freedom with it.

We did see 2014 out with a bang & a prayer. We started revival last night at Maple Springs (which will continue through Friday! Come join us!!) then prayed in the New Year at a friend's house. And what New Year's celebration is complete (at least around here) without fireworks & gun shots!

Now a few of my favorite posts from this past year. These have nothing to do with number of views, comments, etc. These are the ones I enjoyed the most, the ones I learned the most from, the ones that moved me to tears.

The one that surprised me the most this year was Weary Mom, I feel You It honestly started out as a venting session. I was so aggravated the day I wrote it, but I had no idea just how many people would need to hear they are not alone!

Another special one was Leaps & Bounds. She's still growing & I'm so thankful for that!

100 Happy Days wasn't one of my favorite "blog posts" but the result of it was. That simple post, that simple decision, brought with it an entire summer of purposefully looking for something EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. to make me smile. Some days, I had several things to share, some days, I struggled to find just one. But I faithfully posted a picture to my Instagram about being happy for 100 days!

I Wonder What He's Thinking reminded me just how similar parenting must be to God trying to direct our paths.

Country Must be Country Wide was special just because it had so many fun memories with it! And I have never been featured on someone's website before!!

And of course, no year would be complete without all the fun adventures of Twinkle the elf. So check out all the insanity that the Elf on the Shelf brings with it.

Finally So I Write tells the dark side of me.

I hope that you enjoyed sharing 2014 with us. My goal is that something I said made you laugh, cry, grow, shake your head, or empathize with not just me, but those around you as well. I pray that 2015 will be your (and my) best year ever!

Love you all!!

I Wonder What He's Thinking

Its been far too long. I've had several things on my mind & on my heart, but not the words or the desire to express them.

But tonight, its like a flood gate has been opened up. Its funny. That's how it always comes, when I know that God is using me to tell a story.

I learned something tonight. Well, its not the first time that I've been "taught" this lesson, but it was a gentle reminder that stopped me in my tracks.

While having a discussion with Austin tonight, I was forced to stand my ground. We have always taught our children that when they start something, they will finish it. If, after its over, they never want to do that thing again, then its fine. But we are not quitters. When we make a commitment, we stick to it. Other people are counting on us. We need to be dependable.

Tears were cried, voices were raised, words that weren't meant were said, but when it was all over & done, we were able to hug, apologize, & say I love you.

It was in those moments as I was calling out to God for direction, guidance, & strength that Austin came back to me. I cried even harder as my baby, who is no longer a baby, my baby, who is taller than me now, laid his head on my chest & cried as he hugged me & apologized.

My heart is breaking because he is unhappy, but there's a lesson here for both of us.We both need to learn to stand by what we say. We also need to stop before we act.

I wonder if I break God's heart as often as my children break mine?

I wonder if He cries as many tears over me as I do over them?

I wonder if He questions my love for Him just as I question theirs for me?

I wonder if He wonders if I will ever change/learn/grow up? If He's done the right thing by allowing me to make the choices I do?

I KNOW that God doesn't make mistakes, but a mother's love is the closest thing that compares to God's love so you can't help but think about how His heart aches for us.

Where Did They Learn That

I have said for years that "children are a product of their environment".

If you see a child that misbehaves, more than likely they were allowed or even taught to act this way. If you see a child that is rude or disrespectful, they could be modeling what they have seen from others.

If you see a child that plays quietly and listens during church, more than likely this behavior was encouraged. If you see a child that is well mannered or gets along most of the time with their siblings, they have probably been treated with respect themselves.

I know that there is an exception to everything. I know that not all children who are considered "good" come from ideal environments. I know that not all children who mimic unfavorable behavior, had parents who didn't care.

For the most part though, we are who we are because of the circumstances that encircled us & molded us. Just like the saying "you are what you eat.", children become what they see.

This is an especially hard pill to swallow right now since I am raising a preteen boy who knows everything & wants to argue with the wall. This is especially hard when I see him lash out in anger & disrespect. This is especially hard when I see my 8 year old daughter purposely pick fights with her brother. This is especially hard when I see her leave her room in a state that could easily be classified as a disaster zone containing HazMat materials.

I keep looking at my children, wondering WHAT happened to cause these behaviors. It doesn't matter that the majority of all children go through these stages. It doesn't matter that we went through them growing up. It always looks & feels so much worse when it happens in your own backyard though.

Then I realize that although a lot of these behaviors are a natural part of growing up and a lot of them can be attributed to man's natural tendency to sin, that many of them can be traced back to me.

FAIL

Yes, children are the product of their environment. Even when that environment isn't ideal.

As I watch my children & try to correct their behavior, I pray that God help me change my sinful nature as well. I pray for mercy & grace as I try to remember to act with mercy & grace instead of justice. I pray that one day, my children grow up to be a better Christian example than I have provided for them.

The Best of 2013

It seems like only yesterday that I was writing this post describing 2012, now I'm reviewing 2013.

365 days - It can both seem like forever & can seem like mere moments. Some of those moments can bring a smile to your face, some can make you cringe just thinking about them, & some can change your life forever.

I hope that more moments in 2013 made you smile than cry. I hope that not only has your life been changed for the better, but that you have had a part in changing someone else's life as well.

Join me in reminiscing on a few favorites from the past year. If you have one that stands out, please let me know!

• God is still saving sinners
• Dr Seuss is the greatest
• "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11
• My husband is my best friend.
• We all need a vision
• Austin returns to public school
• My children teach me more than I teach them
• Makenzie returns to public school
• And God uses little ones too
• Occasionally I can cook
• Is holding your breath really necessary
• You are my hero
• Surely 490 isn't the magic number
• I fully believe that God dropped Plexus in my lap at JUST the right moment!
• Are you a good follower
• Bad news isn't always as bad as it seems
• Our beach vacation
• Never a dull moment
• One proud momma
• The curriculum that isn't being used
• Logan's birthday party
• We are only human
• Show them you love them 

As you can see, I had a hard time narrowing it down this year!

I thank God for a happy 2013 & I look forward to an even better 2014!

A Lesson in Grace

I took Makenzie back to the doctor yesterday for her ADHD evaluation. Her doctor doesn't think she has full blown ADHD although there might be a little tendency underlying there. She also eased my fears that her problems are not stemming from not being able to do the work intellectually. She has some sort of learning difference/disability, we just need to figure out what it is.

 

She assured me that I was doing the right thing by backing up, allowing Makenzie to do lessons that she was comfortable with, and not putting pressure on her. She acknowledged the fact that Makenzie is a very happy kid so she must be adjusting well. She also understood the frustration that I was feeling. Everything came so easy to me in school so its a little hard for me to realize that not everyone is like I was. I know this, but its easier said than done when it just doesn't click.

I feel a little better about the situation, but somehow, guilt still overcomes me. I'm having a hard time knowing that I have done everything that I can do to help her. I'm having a hard time knowing that somehow I haven't failed her. I'm having a hard time letting go & letting God.

Last night, I was talking to a friend about all kinds of things in general, silly things, concerns in her life, issues in mine, who really is suffering from our selfish government, etc. Neither one of us could understand why some things were happening. We were looking for that bright neon sign from God that says "This is it. This is why. This is your purpose. This is your way." I simply told her that maybe God was teaching her grace........

It didn't hit me until just a little while ago as I was trying to get Makenzie to focus & trying to get Logan to leave her alone, that maybe my friend wasn't the only one who needed to learn a lesson in grace. I had an hour long conversation last night after a crazy hectic day while trying to eat a late supper, settle babies down for the night, right the world of all its wrongs, understand injustice, laugh, cry, offer advice & prayers just to realize that God was trying to show me that big flashing neon sign.

I'm thankful for God's grace even when I'm sure He is aggravated with repeatedly telling me something. I'm thankful for God's grace even when I'm sure He is thinking "will she ever get it". I'm thankful for God's grace even as I don't show grace like I should. I'm thankful for God's grace even when I don't deserve it.